Never

Chapter 35

Lexi's POV

"I think you should come back a few more times just so we can talk more abou..." She tries to subtly and sneakily call me in for the next time but as I've said I'm quite straight to the point, so, I very aggressively and insensitively cut her off. "What do I have? I know you have a diagnosis." I spit out. She doesn't look taken aback and tries to reason with me. "It takes a few more sessions for me to even come close to a diagnosis I..." Yet again I cut her off. "Don't lie I know how these things work, just tell me now." I dictate, my tone rising slightly above what I would consider acceptable, but guess what, I don't fucking care. "I really can't say now..." This time I stand up and proceed to try and leave the room. "That's bull shit and you know it!" I howl picking up my pace towards the door, I can almost sense my therapist despair. "Stop!" She says raising her voice for the first time in the past two hours, her tone shrieking. "I have something in mind, it's not final but, I..." She rambles, I instantly turn walking closer towards her. "Say it." I muter through my gritted teeth. She still looks hesitant. "Say it," I utter a bit more harshly. She bites her lip before finally announcing. "Schizophrenia. My suspicion is of Schizophrenia. A slight degree of severity, not too deep but, definitely not light." Her voice soared through to me, her words like a punch to the chest that knocks me down brutishly, making me fall down on the couch.

"I believe that it was triggered by social anxiety and slowly you started getting..." She tried explaining but I interrupted her again. "How do you know?" I question, my voice a lot weaker than before, as my mighty mask falls shamefully to the ground. "Through this session, you have shown signs of aggression, hostility, hyperactivity, agitation, And the story you just told me showed signs of social isolation, disorganized behavior, lack of restraint, persistent repetition of words or actions, hallucinations." She mumbles on and on and my heart sinks more and more. There's something really wrong with me. "How do I fix it?" I inquire. She chuckles lightly before sitting back down.

"That's a plain way of putting it. There is no fixing, there is treating and controlling but you can't be "cured" of mental illness." She informs me of all the things that I'm already aware of, I don't even know why I asked. "More therapy sessions are required but, since you made me reveal my diagnosis... We might as well start with the treatment." She rambles on and on about my treatment, trying to convince me to go to group therapy but, I don't fucking have time for this. "You'll need to take these once a day, preferably in the morning. I also recommend buying these because you can take them whenever your social anxiety gets too much. On your way out schedule another session for next week, if you ever feel like you need to talk, give us a call and we'll find you an appointment that day." She clarifies after handing me the small doctor's note with calling the hardcore medication I'm gonna need.

I just nod before wistfully leaving the room and out into the open. I take a deep breath of fresh air and for a second I forget everything that has gone down the past week. It was foolish of me to believe they wouldn't come back to haunt me, frames started flashing in my mind of all that happened this week. The fights, the goodbyes, the panic, and the pain, the accident and the screams, the voices and no sleep. They started to suffocate me. That's when I see her. Standing out there with her fancy ass core water in hand waiting patiently for me. Something shifts and I find my balance again and that's when she spots me. "Hey! Your out." She says getting closer to me. I just pull her in for a hug before taking her water bottle stealing some water smirking at her while she glared. "What?" I ask humorously. "You stole my water!" She exclaims childishly. "Just a little gulp dems." I whisper in her ear before pulling her towards the car.

'Fuck, I need to get the medication. Dammit.' I realize inwardly. After a moment of silence, my gaze shifts to Demi and I can't instantly see she's holding back on asking. Like she' literally biting her lip so she doesn't ask. "You can ask if you want to." I say in an ironic tone. She lets out a relieved breath making me chuckle before asking. "How was it?" I instantly remark with some mundane replay like 'you know whatever.' and she rolls her eyes knowing it wasn't the whole truth. There is no way in fucking hell that I'm gonna tell Demi about today, at least not in a while, I'm not ready. I need time and space to understand it before I can share. "Ahh Dems my mom asked me to buy her some Advil you mind stopping by a pharmacy like you don't even have to get off the car." She nods with no apparent suspicion. I congratulate myself on y how good I've gotten at lying. We stop by a pharmacy and I instantly go straight to the back asking a woman for y meds while I search for the Advil. The lady hands me two boxes of medication and I just take them, with the Advil towards the check out picking up some other stuff to try and look less suspicious.