Orientation (Book one in the Thelma Berns: My Internship in Hell series)

Wednesday

I made my way to work bright and early Wednesday morning. I still hoped to find some clues about the blackmailing before we were reduced to wearing the disguises.

The morning started off good. I parked in the visitor lot and went through the lobby without being locked out or attacked by the door. I went to my cube without getting lost once. And I got a pot of coffee going before anybody came around in a funk without their caffeine.

I was going back to my cube feeling satisfied with how I was adjusting to my new routine when Earl rounded the corner and nearly mowed me over. He was holding a mug halfway filled with cold day-old coffee, which he managed to pour down my front.

Startled, I let out a sound something like a dog yelping when you accidentally step on its paw.

"Oh," he said. He'd grabbed onto my shoulder to steady me or possibly himself when he ran into me, and now he let go as if I'd burned him. "S-sorry," he said. His gaze ventured down to where the coffee was on my blouse. This looked and felt like him ogling my breasts. Not that I have a lot to ogle. But still. I was at work and didn't want to be ogled.

"Um, hey," I said, waving a hand up to my eyes.

Earl's eyes wandered up to mine and opened wide. His face turned red and then purple.

"It's just coffee," I said. "No worries."

Really even I knew that coffee poured on a blouse was a ticket into the wastebasket. But the poor guy seemed pretty upset.

"Seriously. No harm done," I said.

He nodded, ducked his head down and walked around me in a wide circle before continuing on his previous trajectory towards the coffee station.

"Wow," Ning said, coming up to me. "Earl talked to you," she said.

"No, he didn't," I said. "He just stared at me and walked away."

"No, right before he stared at your chest I clearly heard him say he was sorry. That was a lot of talking for him."

I pulled the wet fabric of my blouse away from my skin. "I don't think he was looking at my chest," I said. "He was looking at the damage."

Ning snorted. "Whatever." I moved down the aisle and she kept pace alongside me. I noticed that today she had a Midtown Coffee cup.

"You go there a lot?" I asked. I was trying to be casual but my voice got a little squeaky.

"Every morning. Unless the line is too long. I don't have time to wait for all of the other addicts to get their fix."

"It's my favorite coffee place," I said, even though I don't like coffee. They do make a pretty good hot chocolate, though, so I did like to go there in the winter time. Otherwise it was nothing more than iced tea for me.

"It's good enough," she said. "Back home we had real coffee. Put hair on your chest."

That gave me a mental image I wasn't too happy to have.

We arrived at our cubicles and she disappeared into hers with a wave. I went in to mine. There was a folder on my chair. I glanced around. Had the blackmailer realized I was trying to catch them? Who'd left that there? Even though I needed to go to the restroom to clean up, I picked it up and with a shaking hand, opened the cover. I let out a big sigh. It was just my new badge and some paperwork. I ran off to the restroom to try and at least dry off. I got a lot of paper towel lint on my blouse but it didn't dry too much. Ah, well. I returned to my cube.

The picture was horrible – I'd already known that. But I still got a tiny swell of pride when I saw it. This was me, being professional. I had a real badge. There was a lanyard with the Shipsinaminute logo printed on it in the back of the folder. I set aside the papers and attached the badge to the lanyard and put it around my neck. Yeah. I could get used to that.

The papers turned out to be tax stuff for my paycheck. A purple sticky note on the front page said I should fill in the forms and send them back to human resources via interoffice mail.

I filled them out as best I could and then went over to Ning to ask what interoffice mail was. She wasn't there, so I moved on to Tonya's office. Her door was closed and I could hear low muffled talking inside. I was leaning forward to peak through the window before I knocked when the soft tones turned to shouting. Before I could back away from the door, it jerked open.

"What're you doing, spying on me?"

It was a woman I'd seen around. I didn't know her name.

"Um, no. I was coming to knock on the door . . ." I trailed off, not sure what else to say.

The woman was overweight but somehow masculine looking. Her hair was cut very short on the back and sides with a swoosh of bangs that swept to the side. She wore khaki's and a grey polo shirt with the Shipsinaminute logo on it.

"Keep your nose out of my business," she said. She stomped away. Tonya was sitting at her desk with her eyes closed as she massaged her temples with her fingers.

"Is there something I can help you with, Thelma?" she asked.

"I apologize, Tonya," I said, entering the office. "I didn't mean to intrude, I only wanted to ask how to send something through interoffice mail."

She dropped her hands and opened her eyes. "You didn't intrude. Not at all. That was just Dana being paranoid."

"Oh," I said. "I have these tax forms for HR."

"Right," she said. She opened a desk drawer and extracted a beat-up manila envelope. There was a grid of squares on the backside with writing in most of the squares. She handed it to me. On closer examination I saw that each square with writing had been carefully crossed out.

"You just write who it's going to in the first blank square. Then toss it in the outgoing box in the copier cubicle."

Oh. That was easy.

"Someone from the mailroom comes up twice a day, once right before lunch and once right at five. You can put US mail in that box, too, and they'll mail it for you. You just have to provide your own postage."

"Oh. Thank you," I said. I started to move towards the door.

"How's the copier coming? I saw you brought my document the other day. Ning told me she's seen you studying up on it."

Wary that I might be getting cast into repair work, I tried to downplay what I'd figured out. "Oh, I've learned a few things about it. But I'm really excited to get working on a project. I've heard some great things from past interns about the challenges here."

"I'm glad to hear that," Tonya said. "Though you won't have one big project. Each week you'll get a new mini-project from the department you're assigned to shadow. This week is just orientation."

I tried not to frown. I didn't feel very much like I was being oriented.

"This morning at ten I'd like you to attend a town hall meeting. You'll hear a lot about the direction of the company and the projects currently in flight. You'll probably get to make a contribution to more than one of the projects mentioned."

Now that sounded orienting.

"Great," I said. "I wasn't sure what to do with myself today. There's only so much you can learn about a copy machine."

Tonya stiffened. "There's value in every project," she said. "It's all in your attitude."

"Oh, I'm sure the copier is important. I just want to make sure I get to really get out there and try things out," I said. I took a hesitant step backwards toward the door. I hadn't meant to sound ungrateful. I just don't want to be a copy machine repairman when I grow up.

Ning came in, saving me from shoving my foot farther into my mouth.

"I've got those presentation slides for you," Ning said. She handed Tonya a thumb drive. "Just in case the wireless is acting up."

Tonya rolled her eyes. "When is the wireless not acting up."

This seemed like a good moment for me to exit.

"Okay, I'll see you at ten," I said, moving out the door, my fax forms and the interoffice envelope clutched to my chest. Ning looked back at me and winked just before the door blocked my sight-line into the room. Aww. She cares.