Orientation (Book one in the Thelma Berns: My Internship in Hell series)

Friday Afternoon

I couldn't believe it.

The back window went down and Gillian stuck her head out. She whistled. "I can't wait to hear this story," she said.

I stomped over to the car and jerked the back door open. "Heave over," I said. Here I was, recovering from being kidnapped by a half-cocked drug-running plumber, and my friends and coworkers were making jokes at my expense. I slammed the door shut behind me.

"Sorry, Tee," Gillian said. "It's just – you should see how you look."

"I know how I look. I was there when I was dressed up like this," I said. "Can we get out of here before Jerry comes back? I'm done being kidnapped for the day."

Mick pulled out onto the street and headed back in the direction of Shipsinaminute.

I glanced around the car. Mick and Ning were sitting in front. Kirk, Gillian and I were in the back. I went to put on my seat belt but had to fluff up my butt ruffles to get to the buckle. Gillian about popped a hernia trying not to laugh.

"What happened?" Mick asked, looking at me through the rear view mirror. "Where did he take you?"

"He tried to take me to the airport. But then he found out the bag didn't have any money in it, so he thought if he found Horace he could get his money back."

Ning turned back to look at me. "Horace doesn't have the money. That's why he was looking for you."

"Yeah," I said. "I think his wife took it."

Mick let out a whistle. "That's gotta be rough," he said.

"She remortgaged their house and emptied their bank accounts. She even reported his credit cards stolen," I said. "She really had it in for him."

"Sounds like an underappreciated woman to me," Ning said. She turned and looked over the seat, which wasn't easy due to her short stature. "You haven't told us why you're dressed to boink a butler."

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't going to give any of them the satisfaction.

"Never mind that," I said. "Where's Horace? If we don't find him before Jerry or the police, he'll probably turn up dead in the river."

"He got away," Kirk said. "The police were more interested in finding you and Jerry. They have an APB out on his Cadillac. I'm surprised he hasn't already been caught."

"He shouldn't be far, though," Ning said. 

"I'm hungry," Kirk said. "Maybe we should get lunch."

"Me, too," Ning said. "Let's get some takeout and brainstorm where to look for him."

I wanted to point out that time spent getting food and eating would be time for Horace to get further away. But I was pretty darn hungry, too.

"We can swing by my house. I'll change my clothes. We'll have some sandwiches. And we can take a look at a map, try to figure out where he might have gone," I suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Mick said. He turned on to State road towards my house.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Gillian said. "The police were at your house. We can't be sure that they still aren't there, and what about your neighbors? They're so nosy."

I crossed my arms and stared out the window, frustrated. She was right, of course. Even if the police were gone, the second we turned into my driveway at least three neighbors would be punching their speed dial number to my mother.

But as luck would have it, I spotted Horace.

He was sitting on a bench outside the drug store. He was still dressed in the impossibly dirty clothes and he was holding a brown paper bag, which was clearly holding a bottle of something alcoholic.