soul

pacific

my shoulders shake as i sob violently on my bed
my floral patterned blanket wrapped haphazardly around me
my unshaven legs twisted together

my heart is overflowing
with the emotion that swells within its chambers
because the amount of love i have inside of it
is infinite
but the surface area of my myocardium
is finite
so it pours
out of me
and through my tear ducts like soap spilling over the edges of an overdrawn bathtub

it seems like every person i allow to pursue me romantically just wants to sail straight through my ocean
as a means to an end
rather than drop anchor
and spend time
listening to the sounds of my waves

i want
someone to submerge
beneath my depths
and into the trenches that no man has gone before
to touch the soft surface of my complexly beautiful seafloor
which bursts with multicolored coral and a multifaceted ecosystem that sustains itself
i want them to pick up my seashells that lay half exposed in the sand and read them for the clues
that would bring them closer
to my underwater grotto

but they never want to do that

they don't care about my ancient sea turtles or
my purple octopi or yellow starfish
or in which direction my currents flow
no
they just want to use my horizons

and poach my whales
and in doing so
pollute my waters
with their illegal gasoline
plastic waste
and beer cans

i'm not sure
how much longer
my poetry can save me
because my tides are rising
and there aren't enough lifeboats
to hold all of me