Her Hearts Desire, His Pleasure! (Sebastian IIL)Twist (Completed)

Ch 17 "Scotland bound"

This week has flown by so DAMN!!! fast I think to my self! 

One minute we ware enjoying a Spa day and the next we leave tomorrow which I am totally not okay with right now, well other then the fact my cycle has come and gone. 

Renee's and I were only a few hours off. Which I don't even know why I'm thinking of this kind of  Shit, I guess I'm keeping busy with my thoughts so I don't have to think about other things.

 My thoughts betray me because the next few hours I keep thinking on and off again about him, Sebastian and what we are or where we are headed. He spent a  few days with his kids which allowed me free time to call home and see how things were going considering they would soon be getting ready too, to meet us in Portugal!!! I almost squeal saying as I think it to my self. 

Renee and I have had more days spent together as Matt has been busy at work and the gym as well, she is beside her self not knowing what to do about him either. 

sitting in the hotel room watching some tv before heading into the shower, I had gone down to the gym area of the hotel and let out all my frustration doing free weights, legs lifts and some yoga and pilates in the mirrored room thankfully no one else was there, Renee had gone out by her self today to just sit see and be alone in her own thoughts which I can't blame her. I too have just wanted to be alone with my thoughts. 

I have thought about work, money, health and wealth and even my mini farm back home. How I want to travel more in my life, hell even moving back to Europe and the simplicity of living here has made me feel again. Where? is another story. I will have to see the other 2 countries before I decided. but, before I settle on anything I want to see more of this beautiful earth and what it has to offer. The idea I get to show my son this world and learn and live in it is inspiring in its self. 

I felt like I have wasted so much of my days not doing anything when I look back on my life. granted I didn't I work 2 jobs when I was in high school, I modeled, I moved out and never went back to live with my parents again as much as I probably wanted too. I have worked for what I had or didn't have. I survived I enjoyed my youth, I dance with friends in night clubs, I went on dates, had boyfriends, moved for a man I thought I loved. Hell, I speak 2 languages and sim-mi in a 3rd. I mean what I have been privileged to have in my life because of how or whom I was born to say and has given me a great life. so for me to feel unaccomplished is almost selfish. But, knowing where I come from or what I only make me want to do more, be more. perhaps that is why I needed time, I needed space, I needed a new beginning. perhaps I still do in some ways. Photography has been my way out in so many ways capturing what I love about people, places and things. But, I fear it every day.  That Im still an amateur not worthy of the art it can produce. not knowing if I will inspire others or give something grand to my son. I mean holy hell I'm a thinker that is for sure and when I do so I engulf every detail. so perhaps this is what will make me a great ANYTHING I set my mind too. 

NOW, WHAT DO I WANT TO DO? I ask myself after my long mini soap opera of a thought I sighed closing my eyes and laying back on the bed. 

I lay there for what seems to be seconds but must have been hours. I hear my phone beep at me 

"Baby, What are you up to? I haven't heard from you all day." a text from Sebastian that wakes me up. Crap did I fall asleep... 

looking at the clock, yup I must have fallen asleep its now 2 hrs from when I was just sitting and watching tv. its only 4 pm at least it's not horribly late. 

" Hi, handsome I was just about to take a shower, What are you up to?" I reply back

"I'm finishing up at the office, do you want me to join you?" he replies