“and you said “are you okay” because i was shaking and the insides of my mouth tasted like metal but the truth was i had never been more okay in my whole life because kissing you felt like you’d spooned the stars past my lips but i’m playing it cool so all i say is
"yeah"
when you leave you ask “are you okay” while i still pretend i can feel your body heat as a blanket beside me, an echo warmth from something so strong at the time i remember complaining, i pretend i can still hear your even breath as you sleep soundly against my neck, i pretend it is your arms that are weighing me down and not a crushing sense that i have let something precious just barely slip through my fingers but i’m not a clingy ex so i just say
"yeah"
you kiss her while the moon is kissing my upturned face and making my tears into silver ribbons and you call me out of breath and excited and when you hear how my voice hitches you pause to ask “are you okay” in the same concerned way as if for a moment everything depends on my response to that question and all i can wonder is if she tastes like me if her hair is longer and wavy and if she’s perfected the art of both puns and a perfect smoky eye and if she fits beside you with the same puzzle-piece comfort that i do but good lord the last thing you deserve is my burden so i just clear my throat and say
"i’m okay, yeah"
even though I don’t think i’m gonna be.
”
—
“And you know, they always say that ‘if you truly love someone, you’ll let them go,’ but it still doesn’t feel right. It’s been a year, and I still keep his voicemails because when I hear him talking to me, I am home.”
