My Father's Best Man

Chapter 16

It didn't rain that day. The sun was scorching, and the trees were all far away. They lowered my mother's urn into the ground as sweat continued to drip from my forehead. I tried to keep my suit on for rest of the ceremony, but it was just way too hot. Through out the burial, I kept thinking to myself how I screwed up my performance back at the church. Was I nervous? Did I blow too hard? Maybe I wasn't focused enough.

I did everything to avoid thinking about the fact that my mother was gone. She and I had a conversation when I was young, before she was ever sick. She asked me whether cremation would make a difference in God's eye. It was a strange question to ask your child, but I didn't think too much back then. My Great-Uncle just died then, so she was probably thinking about him. Eventually we came to the conclusion that how you were buried would not really matter, since your body would rot in a coffin anyway. I also read an interesting statistic on the over population of the world, so I added the point that cremation could also help save space.

They still used up a huge chunk of land for her burial...

I couldn't wait for this funeral to be over... Right after she died, people visited us in the hospital, then at our house. Soon, they filled the church and started pouring their tears and snots out without any filter.

They were constantly around me, asking me, "How are you feeling?" wanting to comfort me. I felt like I was suffocating! I wanted to shout, "Enough!" But they meant well, so I kept my frustration inside...

That kind of suffocating love I only felt once before. I didn't mind it then. It was from my mother hugging me too tight in her bosom. She thought I was lost, but I just lost track of time playing by the creek. Earlier that day, I was picked on at school again, so I took the long path home to avoid Casey and his friends. I ended up by the small stream and spent hours trying to catch the fish swimming by. By the time I got home, it was already 8pm. My mother hopped off the phone and pulled me straight into her arms! I could feel her tears dripping on my head. I was also having a hard time breathing because she was squeezing too hard. My father was by her side. Pastor Debbie and my Great-Auntie were in the living room comforting my sister. I didn't mind her smothering me then, but I couldn't stand the people at the funeral breathing their hot air around me now...

A hand grabbed my shoulder to remind me Pastor Debbie's long prayer was over. I opened my eyes, and everything looked a bit blue. The sun was still blazing, and my eyes were still adjusting to the hue. I didn't really want to be touched, but I didn't shrug my uncle's hand off either.

"...Don't know which way to look to see heaven."

Uncle Abe looked up at the sky, skipping from cloud to cloud. I didn't look up. I took a long time to respond.

"... Inside your heart, I suppose."

He paused. Then he tapped my back and walked off to join my father. I looked around.

Everyone was gone. My father and sister were at the parking lot, thanking all the people who attended the ceremony. I didn't join them. I should, but I didn't.

After the funeral, people stopped visiting us. It felt like she never existed. We all went back to living like nothing happened.

I failed my freshman history class because of her funeral. All the teachers gave me a second chance to make up for their exams except for Ms. Stafford. She said it wouldn't be fair to the other students, even though she sympathized with me. I resented her back then, but I also understood her point.

That was when I started taking summer school regularly. I ended up spending a lot of time in Ms. Stafford's office. She was the one who recommended me to the theology section in the library. She actually could've passed me for a C, but she knew that would hurt my overall GPA, so retaking the class turned out to be the better option. And because of all the long office hours with her, she almost became a mother figure. I thought about introducing her to my father; after I was done with school, of course. Then the very next summer, at my mother's grave, my father told me he was seeing someone new, someone at our church. After that, I stopped coming back home.

From the freeway, I could see the large cross of my old high school again. This time I was approaching it from the back. I only had another hour or so to drive on the freeway, but my butt was quite numb, so I decided to take a break.

Summer school had already begun. Not a lot of students were in the classroom because it was almost dinner time. I could hear some of them practicing in the music hall. The students here looked smaller than when I was here. I could've swear they've gotten shorter almost every year...

A familiar face in the back caught my eyes.

"Justin!"

Justin, my old bandmate, was eating a sandwich by the steps.

"Yo! Hey, man. What are you doing here?"

"Just on my way back. Went to a wedding in California. Why are you here?"

"Cool, cool... I... need another math class to graduate. So..."

"But you walked with us. You were at the graduation."

"Yeah... They let me walk early. It's fine. I'm still going to Ohio next fall. Where are you going?"

"Boston."

"Nice. Did Fulton decide yet? Is he going through with this... music thing?"

"... I don't know."

He paused.

"Oh... You two are still not on speaking terms."

"No... We're fine. I just need to text him."

Justin wasn't a part of our feud. He didn't really know what happened. He was the one who ended up taking Hannah to the prom. And to change this awkward subject, I gestured at the main building.

"Hey, is Ms. Stafford here?"

Justin made a shocking face.

"Didn't you hear? She left."

"Oh, no... What happened?"

"They caught her having sex with a student."

"What...?"

"No! I'm kidding! You should see your face."

That wasn't funny...

"She was such a hard-ass, man. She left to pursue her PhD in History. She's been talking about that for years, remember?"

"Right, right..."

"Hey! You want to get a bite at Rocky's for old time's sake? My treat."

I looked at my watch.

"No... Sorry... I need to get home. Still have an hour on the freeway. My uncle just died. My father's expecting me."

"Oh, shit. What happened?"

"I don't know. He suffered from schizophrenia for years."

"Oh... Well, let's keep in touch, yeah?"

"Yeah. For sure."

We bumped our fists and went our separate ways. I really should reach out to Fulton, to keep us three amigos together. We were best friends just a year ago. There was no reason why we should stop being that.