Karma

Chapter 9

He looks really confused and way more alert now. "Should I be worried?" He stops running soothing circles to actually look at me, and I think that he's finally noticed my tear streaked face. "Did Dean do something?"

Yes. He's broken my heart into a million tiny pieces, without any regard as to who is going to clean it up. He's torn open old wounds that my dad gashed into me to begin with, and now I have to stitch it up. He's not only cheated on me, but now he's openly dating the girl he cheated on me with. But I don't say any of that because that's not why I'm here.

"Did he do something, Karma?"

Something in his voice screams SEXUAL ASSAULT, but that's the furthest thing from what's actually happened tonight.

He's hurt me, Yes.

He's tried to pretend that he didn't hurt me, Yes.

He's tried to fix the irreparable, Yes.

He's single handedly drove me into the dirt and watched as I dug my way out, Yes.

He's lodged a permanent ache in my chest, Yes.

He's physically hurt me before, No. Never.

Dean has done a lot of fucked up things to me before, more within the last few months- that I know of, but he's never laid a hand on me.

"No. No, this is about Stacy." I say, but he keeps pushing the Dean subject further, despite my subtle attempts to get his mind off of it. 

His beautiful face conforms into this tight look like he's just got done sucking on a lemon then proceeded to gulp down a glass of lime juice with liquor. I can't really tell if he's pissed or hurt. Confused maybe? I want to know why he's trying to convince the both of us that Dean is the reason I'm here right now.

Yeah, he's the reason I'm even trying to figure my shit out, but not tonight. Tonight's pain is my own. I've built it up inside of me, and now I have to deal with it. I screwed up massively. I have to fix it-

Massively.

"Did you two reconcile like you wanted to?" I scoot away from him, hurt by the mild toned jab. "Did he say sorry a bunch of times and then you took him back?"

His eyes, that I've always thought resembled honey in the sunlight, are shut. I take a moment to look at him without getting caught. His yellow Kingsfoil t-shirt is wrinkled from being slept in and his sweats have the same resemblance. I want to reach out and touch his hand, which is clenching tightly in his lap.

"Why are you here?" He finally says, opening his eyes again. It's too dark for me to really see the beautiful color anymore. "I can't fix what he's done. I told you not to go."

I had expected a little hesitancy from him the entire two second walk over here, but imagining him being so hateful never crossed my mind. I also don't want him to fix me and Dean. That bridge has burned, and I'm only adding fuel to the fire.

Sure, he told me not to go, but he should know by know that I don't really follow all the rules laid out for me. Even if they are for my own good. That's just kind of what I do. I drive a wedge between good things so that maybe I can be a little prepared for the inevitable heartbreak with a tracker targeted to me.