Incubus

Chapter 5

And like being shook out of a dream I was back in the room next to a sleeping Jude. He just laid there with all the peace in the world like a baby in his mother's arm, like there were no ghosts stalking him in this room, like he didn't taint his hands with my blood. Thinking about this made my being tingle with anger and I could feel the house tremble under my feet subtly.

How can he just sleep? Doesn't he notice that I'm gone? Doesn't he remember anything from last night?

"Jude" —I called out furiously, and suddenly the house began to creak but Jude didn't wake up. "Judas" —I called out again, more irritated and with more fury. The creaking got deeper and louder but he didn't wake up. Seeing that I had an audience of a dozen lost eyes and that the house almost could speak in its own tongue and Jude continued to be so untroubled only poured more gasoline into the flames of my rage. I could feel it running down my frozen veins like white, hot electricity just clotting in my very core waiting to burst out of me. And with the tiniest bit of effort all hell broke loose.

"JUDAS!" —I shrieked. The house groaned and quaked, the windows and mirrors cracked and scattered into little pieces, everything else just came to life flying across the room. Air blew into the room almost as if the house was breathing and the other souls only spoke in hysterical mumbles as the storm broke inside the room. Only then Jude slumber was violently interrupted.

He sat abruptly, catching his breathed. He puts his face on his hands, trying to calm down. His bare skin glistening as the light hits sweaty dew. "Lamb" —he called softly, just like my Judas would. I froze as if he could see me and instinctively I approached my Love to come to his rescue but when I was about to touch him I stopped. For a second I had forgotten, I had forgotten that he wouldn't see me, feel me, feel my comfort, feel my love. For a second a I had forgotten I was dead. In defeat I knelt next to the bed, next to Jude, just to look at him, really look at him and contemplate this work of art.

The way his chocolate hair falls down his forehead, the curve his ear makes, the lines on his arms when his muscle tense up, his rhythmic breathing. My Jude. He got his face out of his hands, uncovering his infinite chocolate brown eyes, his sharp nose and pink lips where his crooked smile hides. "Lamb?" —he said this time reaching for my bedside, reaching for me. His eyes widen as the realization that I wasn't on the bed. As confusion clouds his face he calls out again, "Lamb!". I knew he feel could it, I could see it in his eyes, I knew he could feel that something's wrong.

As he puts his feet on the floor he notices the letter on the nightstand and quickly took it in his hands and started to read. I was still there, kneeling on the floor now face to face to my Love. Watching how his worried eyes desperately grasp word by word what was written, watching how with every hit he took from it the light in them started to drown under the tears that were hiding in them. I could see how his worry transformed into pain and distress. "No" —he said in disbelief, almost in a whisper. He stood up from bed and went out of the room, "No, no, no, no, no, no" —he plead now, I could hear the hope in his voice, the hope for me to still be here.

I went behind him as he travels across the house naked, searching every room and growing more scare each time. I stood there in the middle of the house as he continues to run from room to room searching for me. He went out the front door and as I tried to follow him outside I couldn't. It was like an invisible barrier was preventing me from walking out the door, like I was bound to this house. Jude walked back in, clearly exhausted from running. He fell to his hands and knees in frustration, crying inconsolably. I reach out my hand for him, I gently laid it on the back of his head but there was no reaction to it, he didn't jump or flinched. A storm of uselessness clouded me, he couldn't feel me, I couldn't comfort him.

I wish he could feel me, feel me comfort him.

Pain spread across my spirit, if I had a body it be crying a river. The floor under us began to softly vibrate again and drops of water began to exude from the ceiling and the walls. A small creak echoed through the room sounding almost like a weep and Jude looked up from the floor. And I swear that for a second he felt me. He eyes were the same eyes of the hopeful stubborn boy I first met years ago, my Jude. The same eyes that saved me.

You see, my life has always been surrounded by demons, before the house, before Jude, they were there. It wasn't like the ones hat live in this house, there were no scary figures or moving animate objects. There were no creaking and leaky houses. There were no ghosts. No, my  loveless life was full of isolation, neglect, and so much pain. A fatherless only child with a mother that never care for her. Undergoing mother's way of showing authority only brought darkness into my young, ignorant mind and by the time I was 18 the weight of it had become too unbearable to carry. So unbearable that I thought I could find a solution for it looking down from the border of a bridge.

It was a windy afternoon when I was just there, casually standing on the ledge that was separating the height of the bridge from the distance down to the ground. I had put on my favorite black leather jacket with the red buttons on its sleeves, my favorite pair of cutout jeans, my favorite pair of ankle boots, my loyal knuckle armor ring and I was smoking my very last cigarette. I couldn't stop thinking, how I felt like I was standing in the line of two different dimensions. Up here I'm me, down there I'm splat.

"Hey" —I heard a voice that came from a quirky little skinny boy giving me a compassionate smile. Little did I know that was the voice that I was going to listen to for the rest of my days. "It's a little windy today to standing there, don't you think?" —he just smiled. "It is? I hadn't notice over the gorgeous scene" —I played it cool, to proud to seem as hopeless as I felt. "Why don't you step away from there and tell me about it?" —he said, actually sounding friendly and not at all like what I was doing was wrong. "Why? Do I know you?" —me being my cold self. "No, but you could" —he invited. "I'm good" —I said coldly as I sucked smoke from the cigarette. "And I don't doubt that but right now is too windy for you to be standing on that ledge and it'll be a real shame if the world was, a beautiful strong independent woman, short" —he said sounding sincere. I just looked at him surprised as he was taking a step closer and stretching out his hand to me. "I mean, the world is fucked up as it is and we need as much strong people like you to make it better" —he smiled again. He knew what my intentions for being there were, I could see it in his eyes, there were sprinkles of concerned hiding in them and yet he made everything possible to make me feel comfortable. "What do you say? Will you tell me about it?" —he invited once, with a welcoming smile.

I just stood there still surprised with the cigarette hanging from my mouth. And oddly enough —what the hell— he convinced me. As I stretched out my hand to his my feet slipped.

Shit.

I felt something quickly grip me from my wrist. "I gotcha!" —said the boy, struggling with my weight. "Get ahold of me with your other hand so that I can pull you up!" —he ordered, and so I did. He started pulling me up with all his strength, grunting and sweating. Once my feet touched the ledge I jumped back into the bridge.

"Fuck!" I exhaled. "That wouldn't have been pretty" —I joked. I guess I clenched my mouth when I thought I was going to fall as the cigarette was still in my mouth. Then out of nowhere, he held me and whispered in my ear, "Everything's gonna be alright". Hearing that stroke my heartstrings and it made my eyes water, I quickly pushed him away. "Ok, ok," —I said as discretely wipe some tears away.

"Um, sorry" —he apologized and as I looked at I saw one of my red buttons in his hands. "I must have pulled it out in the struggle" —he explained. "It's fine," —I said dryly, "here." —I gave him my cigarette. "As a thanks for, well, you know" —I said, kind of embarrassed. "Thanks", I started to walk away and as I did he said, "I'm Jude". When I looked back he had the cigarette in his mouth while he smiled. "What's your name?" —he asked.

"Ask me again tomorrow" —I finally smiled and he smiled back and I went on my separate way but I knew he was still watching me as I left and I could truly feel that my life would never be the same from that point on.

My life was surrounded by demons but meeting Jude chased them all away.