Thoughts of a Wallflower

~Opposition~

This is my entry for @ Contests Weekly Wattpad Contest #37

My inspiration was the metaphor: "A cage we all call our universe."

A cage that we all call our universe, a paradise unknown to me yet you claim it to be our own each and every waking day.

You say it allows you to fly, to wrap your hands around it's gilded spine and then let go, to soar and feel the wind dance through your tender hair. This cage that ensnares us all defines you. It unlocks a beauty unknown to me and when I watched you, I learnt what it was like.

To be free.

I say otherwise.
Yet again, I am always the opposition to your poorly suppressed happiness.
Even on my darkest days, tethered and bound to the prison that you embrace, I can't help but admire how you ignore me and fly.

Your flaws glimmer in the sunlight, dappling a mosaic of colour upon your cheek; the sadness melts away from you as you fly, fly, fly. A majesty that holds your shoulders up, the poisonous mercy of the world outside of the cage not penetrating your armour.

I know I can't be like you. I could never let go of the sickly green vines that wrap themselves tighter around me. Never can I dream of letting go of my haven and stumbling into the light.
I like the feeling of being secure, even though it is a toxic balm to my skin.
Yet I enjoy it. As you enjoy flying and being free.

But one day, you chose to change.

My head was low, as if held by a noose, hanging, clutching, swinging with shame. You traipse over, the gleam of vitality encompassing your body but something else says otherwise.

Perhaps you are tired of me.
I'm not surprised, not at all.

I feel your hand lift my chin up, a feathery touch that makes me want to flinch away. It burns my skin, this offer of kindness and help, nothing I ever want to accept.

In this moment, I feel like a lifeboat on a black ocean, myself the captain damned to fail, to toss everyone aboard if I accept this allegiance with you.
The shiny, perfect girl.
My arms wrap around my knees, the bones creaking with each movement.

The cage seems to close in around me.
You lift your hand away, the sparkle going out of your eyes. I watch you hunch over, reaching for the rusted cage bars, sobs racking your body.

I close my eyes, hatred washing over me. I had never seen this side of you, this darkness that displaces your joy. My ears block out the gentle cries you try to hide and I cannot help but think of when you used to fly.

I think of how quickly time has warped itself and I cannot remember when the darkness claimed you or me.

Perhaps you are a lifeboat too, just like me.

I think of you now when you were happy, a hand to help me.

When you used to fly.