Takeover

The Prelude

Warning, graphic content: NYPD search for men who attacked homeless man in Brooklyn, stole money    March 3, 2018

Police are searching for a group of men caught on security footage beating up a homeless man in Brooklyn.

New details emerge in murder of South San Jose mother   March 3, 2019

MURDER INVESTIGATION: The woman's body was found in her room by her daughter and a co-worker.

House Judiciary Chairman Says the President Obstructed Justice, Strives for impeachment 

I flip through the repetitive channels that seem to preach the faults of not only our nation, but of the world. The sickening headlines beckon their daily reminder that our society isn't just losing its sanity, it's shattering, more or less dying. I'm not sure why I bother to watch the news anymore, everyone just assumes it's as bad as it was the day prior. Still, I find myself glued to the small screen, hoping to find a positive story or turn in our state as a country, only too slowly lose what's left of my dwindling hope. 

Today Marks A Year After Global Disappearance of Teens

I pause, allowing my ears to ring with sadness. It's deafening to hear that every person my generation has ever called a "best guy friend", boyfriend, acquaintance, childhood crush, or even the future of America might as well be dead by now. It wasn't every city. Just a couple. Enough to make the world realize that their disappearance was not just a tradgey but planned. Fifteen cities in the United States suffered tremendously on this day last year. Unfortunately, my "too small to be a town but not quite big enough to be a city" city was one of the unlucky few. 

I shut off the TV having heard enough to make my eyes dry. Dry. In case you aren't familiar with the human body and it's nature, eyes begin to well up with tears when one is sad, depress, or any of the following:

unhappy, sorrowful, dejected, regretful, depressed, downcast, miserable, downhearted, down, despondent, despairing, disconsolate, desolate, wretched, gloomy, doleful, melancholy, melancholic, low-spirited, mournful, woeful, woebegone, forlorn, crestfallen, broken-hearted, heartbroken, inconsolable, grief-stricken. 

If we had all day I could drag the list on and on till you would make yourself sad just by reading sad synonyms. My point is I have encountered and experienced such a vast array of those feelings that my tears have quite literally ran out. No matter how undeniably dismal I have been, I have not been able to shed a tear in months. I cried so much last year that I have grown numb. The enevitable pain is still stabbing, I just can't let it show. People assume that I'm coping because I stopped crying but I still feel the hurt renewed everyday when I wake to realize the reality I have been burdened with.

Not all of the boys were just friends or classmates. There was, is one that I gave my love to. My boyfriend, Marcus. Hearing his name or even just thinking of it still makes my stomach flutter with childish joy, ignoring the fact that he's gone and has been gone for a long time. 

Although we had only been dating for 9 months, our bond was closer than I had ever experienced. There was a time when I had convinced myself that he was the one. I wanted him to be the one. I often wonder that since Marcus is missing and not dead, would he still be considered mine? Is our relationship still alive? If there is a chance that he's out there, does he still think of me as I think of him?

Of course and too often, my elders give me the "plenty of fish in the sea" talk. They urge me to move on with my life and find someone new. Except in my mind it isn't simply finding someone new, it is replacing Marcus. I could never do such a horrid thing. I will wait, even if I never see his warming smile again.