Through The Darkness

Rant

I just feel so helpless. Like no one needs me. And you can sit there and tell me that they do but I don't agree. For some reason, I can't be happy unless I help someone. But What if no one needs me? What if im the one that needs help but I don't talk? What if I screw everything up. Every night it doesn't matter who I've helped but if I was happy. How can I be happy? I screw things up all the time. I torture myself just so I can put a smile on my face. The words 'I need you' has lost its meaning to me. Everyone says it and throws it around like it's nothing. It's like the word 'love'. Everyone says it, but do they mean it? Sometimes they do, most of the time, they don't. But back to 'I need you'. How can I believe in something like that when most people say that and leave? How can they live with that? I only say 'i need you' when I truly believe it. People don't realize that once they leave, 'i need you' turns into 'sorry I lied' at least that's what I think. When people tell me 'i need you' i say 'thank you it means a lot' but roll my eyes because I can't believe that saying. It's like saying 'Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me.' I don't believe it. Because words do hurt. They beat you down till you're a bloody pulp. Words do hurt. They don't just hurt, they sting and become holes in your heart. Mainly because it repeats in your head until you believe it. Like you grow up calling yourself beautiful but sooner or later it gets replaced with ugly and more words start to pile on, one after another until all you can see is ugly. And there are no more flowers in sight because when you replace beautiful with ugly, you kill everything beautiful in hope of retrieving that word. But some people can't, so they start digging more and more into their own skin. Which ruins the canvas of your skin.