Life Eternal

Chapter III - Forgiveness

       — I could not awaken my heart to joy at the same tone;

                  & all I lov'd, I lov'd alone. . . —

Normally you had a talent for putting everything into words, whether it was someone's kindness or beauty, the way you admired & loved them or the other way round; how you /felt/ about something or even someone in particular… But the look in his eyes the moment you were finally courageous enough to share the truth with him was something that made you lose nearly all of your confidence just as fast as you had gathered it, literally causing your arduously built facade to crumble & fall apart piece by piece. Moreover, in spite of being closer to him than you had ever been before you completely failed to grasp the emotion his eyes were uncontrollably radiating with, whether he was in utter disbelief & therefore about to label you a liar or so taken by surprise that he could not find the right words to respond just yet - none of that you could tell for sure.

The longer he stared, the more you wondered; that facade of yours kept crumbling & crumbling as the silence that surrounded the both of you seemingly grew more deafening with every passing second, pushing yet another thorn into your aching heart.

Soon, you did no longer tremble but shake almost violently so that even the last bit of strength you had left in you came to cease, resulting in Pelle's hand inevitably slipping out of your grasp as he decided to take a step away from you, a part of his frame now slowly merging with the shadows.

 “ … Pelle, don— ”

                What do I care for the hearts of the living? Weak, manipulable… So easy to mislead & subjugate. All it takes is yet another decade filled with life's miserable ways, more of its dull & ill-clad ethics & before you can even grasp the meaning of your own existence you'll end up being forgotten again, erased from everyone's memories like a long defeated disease…

   As will I.

     There is no room for the dead in the world of the living, neither inside their memories nor their hearts. No more than a few dozen blinks & I won't even be a skidmark in history anymore…

                   You will see for yourself…

A sickening sensation inside your stomach as if someone had penetrated your flesh with a knife & started to twist it slowly; though the desire to approach him again was still as overwhelming as before the chances of doing so were shrinking at an alarming pace due to your knees being so weak, you could barely stand upright anymore. A gasp, breathless & pathetic, falling from your trembling lips like leaves from a tree during the early hours of autumn, destined to be torn to shreds by freezing tempests.

             “ No… You are wrong… ”

You weren't even able to hear yourself at this point, that's how faint your whisper sounded. Against your very will your vision grew blurry almost simultaneously, the finest contours transmogrified into stains of grey & black as warm tears flooded your eyes & all you could do was shut them tightly to prevent those tears from falling, keeping them locked away behind heavy eyelids. Your throat, burning with emotions that you were too scared to share, restrained & smothered; every time you swallowed it felt like drinking acid. And the winds, they blew… & the sorrow, it grew…

         “ No… Don't leave again… Don't disappear.    

       Please don't go where I can't /follow/ ! ”