Collection of Poetry

Anxiety And Me

Original:  February 27, 2018
Edited:  March 04, 2019

I gasp and choke, desperate for,
Air.
I can’t seem to pull it into my lungs.
Suffocation,
I feel like my lungs are expanding,
Ever larger, they many never stop;
And my throat is closing,
Closing out all air, blocking off the oxygen.

I grasp and reach for,
Words.
They won't tumble out like they should.
Silence,
It permeates my shallow breaths;
Every phrase i need ins there, ready,
But i cannot speak even a word.
So many words i can never speak.

I blink and clench my teeth, holding back,
Tears.
They come unbidden;
Salt burns my skin,
They fall faster than I can chase them with my fingers.
They come every time, proving I’m weak.
Showing everyone else the same thing.

I freeze and shake, in
Fear.
I am paralyzed by every fear of mine,
And my mind tells me everything is dangerous.
Memories,
A smell, a sound, a word, a touch, a face.
Pathways connected by pain and memory.
They only lead to one place,
And it’s all darkness there.

I try to shift gears,
But I stay trapped.
Trapped in my own head.
Thinking. Screaming. Running. Fighting.
My captors are the ghosts of my past,
And they are relentless;
They pull me under and hold me.
I’m trapped in my own mind.

I keep going.
Moving, running, fighting, hiding.
I will freeze and I will cry and I will suffocate.
But, I will go on.
Just as the dark gives way to light,
I will rise like the morning sun.

It’s always with me, the
Anxiety.
I try to stay ahead,
But it will catch up.
Whispers will reach and fears will creep in.
But in the end,
I’ll still rise.