Roger's Diary (MAYLOR) COMPLETED

ch.9

ROGER'S P.O.V: I walked upstairs and walked into my room. I shut the door and locked it behind me. I plopped down on my bed and sighed. I heard a knock at my door. "Who is it?" I asked. "Brian." He responded. He attempted to open my door. "It's locked idiot." I mumbled before getting up and unlocking it. "What do you want?" I asked not making eye contact with him. "I just wanted to see my lovely boyfriend~." Brian said sweetly. I looked down I could feel tears starting to form. Brian took my chin in his thumb and pointer and lifted it so I would look at him. I smiled guilty at him with tears in my eyes. "Roger... What's wrong?" I shook my head. "Nothing... I'm fine... Everything is fine." I lied. He sighed. "If you say so." I kissed his cheek. He smiled and kissed my lips. I kissed back deepening the kiss. He pushed me into my room, closing the door behind him, he pushed me onto the bed. I pulled away. He looked at me confused. "What's wrong?" He asked. "Nothing." I said forcing a smile. I sat up. "I guess I'm just not in the mood... Plus we have to be at the studio in 10." Brian nodded, he looked a little hurt. "Hey cheer up... Maybe we can make out later." I mumbled the last part. I looked over at him. His eyes were sparkling and he had a huge smirk on his face. I smiled a little, the frowned. 'God... How could I have cheated on this man?' I thought. I sighed, louder than I wanted to. "Are you sure you're fine?" Brian questioned. "I'm fine." I said a little annoyed. He nodded. "See you at the studio?" He asked. "Duh." I chuckled. He got up and left, closing the door behind him, I got up and locked it. I slid down to the floor with tears in my eyes. 'I'm such a fucking horrible person... I don't deserve him." I thought. I got up and made my way to my desk and grabbed my scissors. (TRIGGER WARNING!!!! I'm so fucking sorry...) I eyeballed them for a moment then placed the blade up to my wrist... I pushed down and ran the blade across my wrist. I winced at the pain. I did that one more time and sighed. 'I fucking deserve it.' I thought. I went into the bathroom and cleaned up my wrist.(start here if you skipped) I walked back into my room and through on one of my hoodies and headed to the studio.

I walked in to see everyone warming up. Brian noticed me and walked over smiling. I forced a smile on my face. "Now that we are all here... It's time to fucking rock!" Freddie yelled excitedly. Everyone went to their spots. We recorded some songs. We decided that I would have to sing my own song, those assholes, oh well it's whatever. We started our walk back to the house. Freddie, Deaky, and Brian were all laughing at some joke I must have missed. That prompt them to ask questions. "You okay darling?" Freddie asked. 'Oh yeah I'm just fucking fine! I'm cheating on Brian with your fucking boyfriend! Oh and to top it all off I just fucking cut myself!' I barked in my head. "I'm fine." I said flatly. "You two shoo I want to talk to Roger alone." Freddie said. "Good luck." Brian said and they headed outside. I started to get nervous, Freddie grabbed my wrists. I winced. "Tell me what's been going on with you lately." Freddie said, looking me in the eyes. The pain in my wrist was becoming to much. "I will... Can you let go of me first... I'm sore from drumming." I lied. He nodded and let go. "I've been having mixed feelings..." I started. "About?" He asked. " Well I figured by now that you know Brian and I are dating." He smiled and nodded. "But, I think I like someone else as well... I like Brian more but I guess I feel guilty." I added. "Aww honey, it's okay." He soothed. "Freddie...?" I asked. "Yes darling?" He responded. I took a deep breath. "I think I'm depressed..."

BRIAN'S P.O.V: Freddie walked in followed by Roger, who looked like drained, Freddie went and sat by John. Roger took off to his room. 'No! He can't be doing this again!' I thought. "I better go get him." I said standing up. "Oh no you're not." Freddie said. "And why not?" I snapped. "Calm down he's taking a shower... He said he would be down once he is done." He said.

About an half hour later Roger came down the stairs. "Fuck guys I need a fucking pop-tart!" He yelled his words slurred. 'God damn it not this again.' I thought. "There in the cupboard sweetheart~." John said sweetly. Freddie and I looked at him weird. "Sweetheart?" Freddie questioned. John just shrugged. " You call Paul that all the time." Ouch poor guy. "Thanks I loooovee youuuu~." Roger basically yelled. "Love you too baby~." John responded. Again John earned a weird look from Freddie and I. Freddie whispered something in John's ear, which earned him an eye roll from John. "Bri!" Roger called. "Yes love?" I asked. "Help." He said panicking. "Roger, what's wrong?" I asked. " I can't open my fucking pop-tart." He whined. John chuckled. "Calm down... Do you want me to open it for you?" He asked. 'The fuck?! Roger asked for me!' I thought. "Yes please." He smiled. John got up and walked into the kitchen and opened the pop-tart for Roger. "You're a lifesaver." Roger squeaked. "I'm glad I could help." John smiled. Roger leaned over and kissed his cheek. John giggled like a schoolgirl. Both Freddie and I glared at them. "I told you something is going on between them." I whispered to Freddie. He nodded. "What should we do darling?" He asked. I shrugged. "I wanna see how far this goes..." He nodded. "They look cute together." He sighed. I glanced over at them. "I hate to admit it but you're right..." He patted my back. "Don't worry about it... It's probably a really close friendship, I mean they were close before." He said. I just sighed and watched them. 'He better keep his hands off my man.' I thought.

JOHN'S P.O.V: Roger was coming on strong. I could feel the other two watching intensely. I leaned over. "You better stop or you'll blow our fling and we'll lose them." I growled quietly in his ear. He nodded. "I'm sorry." He mumbled and looked down. I took his chin in thumb and index finger and lifted it so he would look at me. I smiled. "It's fine you just need to back off a bit love." He smiled and I left to go sit back on the couch. Roger soon came over and snuggled up to Brian. 'Ouch but okay I understand they are dating... I'm just his toy and he is mine.' I thought. 'Fuck it... I'm jealous.' I huffed. Brian put his arms around Roger. Brian looks over at me and smirks. I frowned. 'Why the fuck would he do that?' I sighed. I have liked Roger for a while now before I started liking and dating Freddie. I feel like shit because of it. The only reason I started this whole thing with Roger is because... Freddie is cheating on me with Paul and Roger wasn't dating at the time. I'm sick of being Freddie's toy but, that's all I'll ever be, someone's toy that they fuck around with but it never means anything. I could start to feel myself tear up, I stood up. "Excuse me for a minute guys." I said then I bolted to the bathroom.

I heard a knock at the door. "It's me." Roger said. "Come in if you need." I said back. The door opened. "John... I told them."

A/N: Here is part 9!!! I know I'm a few days early but it is my birthday today so I thought I would update... Chapter 10 is probably going out on Saturday.... Sorry again for the dark turn I took with Roger... Thanks for all of the support... Anyways I hope you enjoy!!! Peace.

-DudeOnFire