I'll Be Good

19

Eric takes a couple steps back and sits down opposite me. We just sit and talk about stupid stuff for a while.

'I think you should go check up on your friends,' he says then. My stomach drops, but I get it. They are probably worried about where the hell I am this time. I jump off the kitchen counter. I leave his apartment and head down to mine. I open the door with my keys.

'Hello,' George and Trina say.

'Hi!' I say. They are sitting on a couch Ross and Tori just got. Ross and Tori sit behind a new kitchen table. 'Nice stuff,' I tell my friends. They nod. I squeeze between George and Tori in the couch. I can't help but grin.

'What are you smiling about?' Tori asks.

'Yeah, you look like Ross when he just had dauntless cake,' George says. Everyone laughs.

'Nothing,' I say then. 'I am just happy initiation is over.' My answer has some truth in it. If initiation wasn't over, Eric wouldn't have kissed me. We would still have this weird relationship were nothing is sure and nothing can be assured, because that would be wrong. I still don't think Eric would like it if I told everyone about our kiss.

The picture of his smile keeps popping up inside my head. His genuine smile that he doesn't show the world. Everyone else probobly thinks he can only smirk and sneer. I have seen his smile. It makes me feel special. As if his smile his just for me. Only I can have that smile or only I can make him smile like that.

I spend the rest of the day with my friends and brother. We play games, eat pizza and watch a movie. All is well.

-

I wake up from Tori and Ross bickering about who can use the bathroom first. I get up and walk into the bathroom without the other two even noticing. When I lock the door they seem to find out that I have gone in before them.

'Oh come on, Ellis,' Ross says. But after a while they back away. I shower and get dressed into jeans and a hoodie. When I get out of the bathroom the other two sprint towards the door. Ross gets there first and laughs loudly.

'I am getting breakfast,' I tell Tori. 'Good luck on your first day of work.' Their work starts today. I will start tomorrow with training. Tori is a hairdresser and Ross goes every two weeks to the wall to guird it. He is not leaving today, but he will get instructions today.

I go down to the dining hall and I am hoping to see Eric. I really want to be with him right now.

When I get there I see him sitting with a couple of guys. Should I go over there? He seems to be in a discussion and I am curious what it's about, so I head over there.

'Hi, Eric,' I say to him with a bright smile.

'Not now,' he says and goes on afterwards. He didn't even give me one glance. My stomach drops and my heart sinks. I could cry. I stalk off angrily. His tone wasn't neccicary. He kissed me, for God's sake! Just a minute ago everything was good, but now it feels like my whole world is falling apart. As if everything that kept me happy are being taken away from me. Just two words. Just two words broke me in two. I want to hit him. I need to hit something, so I head out to the training room. Luckely the door isn't locked.

I get inside and hit the punching bag closest to me as hard as I can. My hand hurts. I move my fingers to make sure enough blood runs to it. That will make sure it hurts less later. I hit the bag again. Faster amd harder and when I can't continue anymore I give the bag one last hit and let out a scream. I sink to the floor, out of breath. When the first tear leaves my eye, many follow. I hate this. I hat everything. Why would I even think that things between us would be different? Of course not. I am fucking sixteen years old! He is nineteen. He probobly just used me for entertainment. I am nothing more than his toy. I can't believe this. I should have listened to my dad. 'Don't fall for guys too quickly. They break your heart without feeling the pain themselves.'