A Sure Lockstep

120 7 8

by Rex-Pensive

by Rex-Pensive

"Welcome at Costco, try sample these eggs?"
Today I am having a shopping extravagabond at COSTCO. Low cost items high quality items! With bulk. I stuff my tummy with free eggs samples in the egg isle!
5 dozen eggs clocking in at .16¢ each? HEGG yes!

I'm already imagining the feast this will prepare. "Boiled egg", "omelet's", "scrambled egg", "eggs-
"Benedict! Cumberbatch!" I holler in straight extasy. It is my favorite ACTOR of movies and television! BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH. Who knew he was a Costcostomer?!
"Benedict hello!" I smile to Benedict, "sorry to iterrupt your shopping eggsperience..." I joke.
No laughs. Tough crowd.
"...but may I please get some AUTOgraph?" request I.
"Why not," the British acting man booms through the bassoon voice.
"I have watched 'Sherlock' at least 2 times" I admit when I hand him my DVD copy of Shirtlock.
"This is the Guy Ritchie movie," Benedict Cumberbatch frowns his peculiar alien face, "I was not in this film."
"There's that's the renowned BRITISH humour!" I laugh.
"No look", he points at my DVD "this is Robert Downey."
I do not quite understand these BRITISH humour but laugh regardless for being polite.

He Britishly rolls his two very wide set eyes and signs my DVD. Hooray!
"Here we go then," hands he my property back. "Have a pleasant day."
"You too Benedict Cumberbatch!" I exclaim and start to walk past him.... but so does he try to go past me. Awkward!
"Whoops!" I friendly cuckle. "Let me just go this other way-"
Now he also starts to move in the other way.
"Shirlock? More like 'Gridlock'! I chant.

He does not laugh at this comic nuget either.

"Okay, I'm going right..." now at the same time Benedict goes right. Hoo boy!
"How about you go left and I go right," devise I.
"British left or standard left?" Benedict Cumberbatch wants to know.
what this fuck "Just regular left" I urge.
We both move right.
"WHAT didn't I JUST- okay you stay there Benedict Cumberbatch and I will GO- no don't move now!"
"You want me to move?"
"DONE 'T move!" I bust out.
"So I move?"

how does one even Hollywood acting
without abilities to take DIRECTION

"Fine..." I sigh so hugely, "YOU go past me."
Benedict Cumberbatch does not move a INCH. Just stands there with the wavy haircut.
"Why on EARTH aren't you EVEN going now?!" I spit out rage.
"Oh I thought you were going?"

sweet angel Gabriel give me death

My patience wears TOO think... "Just crouch down Benedict for I will jump OVER you."
"Sure," shrugs he.
"One... TWO..."
I jump slow motion.... catching air.... I'm soaring over the successful English 'celebritain'... it's working! it's wor- Benedict Cumberbatch jams both FISTS straight into the nutballs of me!
"Cumberbatch WHAT the JESAS?!" smack I back down on the Costco concrete. "That's you done SUCKER PUNCH my TESTICALLS?"
"Reflex," shrugs he again.

AFTER 3 WEEKS

"Alright We BOTH into run each other and last minute dive for a random direction! RANDOM Benedict Cumberbatch! There is NO way this fails. We keep doing this until success. Here are the laws of averaging at work...!"
Benedict Cumberbatch nods: "That sound reasonable."

AFTER 2 MONTHS

HOW
HOW in the name of the LARD does this HUMANELY possible
Actually how do we keep on diving HEAD FIRST into each other
I suffer from numerous concussions
Why

Why

12 Years A Slater
LATER
12 YEARS

A dozen years passed. Benedict Cumberbatch and I're still in Costco.
"So just- TWO.STEPS. Left. Left. No. LEFT," I scream, "you godless wench!"
This satanish devil mimics my every moment. This is the "Imitation Game" in STEROIDS. I am entrapped in Cumberbatch Costco Hell... But I WILL get past!
...will I?

41 YEARS LATER

I have gaven up on verbal directions to Benedict 2 decades ago. What is my own voice even SOUND like? I am stuck in the endless tribal dance with celebrity Benedict Cumberbatch . He does sport a 5 foot long white beard now. My body has stopped requiring the need for sleep. I haven't tasted food after 2051. The Costco is long closed.
It does not matter.

THE 27TH CENTURY
The way is Benedict. My path is Cumberbatch. He is I and I am he.

The shell of the old-world construction called "Costco" has rusted away. Benedict Cumberbatch and I are surrounded by moss-covered trees. Birds greet us with their chirping. There is no sound but the sweet autumn wind... and our ever-synchronized footsteps. I am the ying. He is the yang.
Balance. Harmony. Perfection.

ERA OF THE WINGED ONES

"Sqqqrrrrr."
"Q Q Q"?
rs rs rsrsrsrsrsrsrs q q.
"s s s S s?"
"S......"
"Q q q q srs q.... X!"

DEATH OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM

Earth burned. We rejoiced. Departed our physical husks.
There is no Benedict Cumberbatch. There is no I.
Eternal are we.
Hate.
Love.
Supernova Energy.

BIRTH.
Chapter ∞

Outside of time our cosmic forces clash. As they must.
Creating dark.
Creating light.
Creating... matter.

Infinity stops expanding. Time blinks. A desolate rock shall be the new Eden.
Us Cumberbatch will be born anew. Us Cumberbatch swirls in a galactic embryo; our manifestation is afoot. Us Cumberbatch senses light and heat. Glorious New Dawn.
Us Cumberbatch hatches. A New World of indescribable beauty...

"Welcome at Costco, try sample these eggs?"