Little Mixed Directions

Chapter Twelve: He Does Kiss Well

{Perrie's POV}

Shit. I've stuffed up big time. What the heck was I even thinking, kissing Harry back? I'm going to die from guilt if I don't tell Zayn. I need to talk to Harry first actually, where is the curly haired one?

I walk around Liam's house trying to find him and end up sitting with him on a bench in the backyard. We just sit there in silence for a while.

After all the rumours of Zayn cheating on me when he never did, of course I have to go a stuff things up by kissing his band mate. Two people he trusts the most have broken his trust, not that he knows that.

There's nine days until Jesy and Jordan's wedding but of course Harry and I will f**k things up. It's going to be the happiest day of Jesy's life and that's why I'm terrified. It was one of the happiest days of my life, along with Ellie's birth and now God knows how Zayn's going to react to this. 

"I'm sorry." Harry eventually starts a conversation between the two of us. Why is he sorry? I kissed him back. "Yes I know you joined in but I was leading it." Harry adds as if he's read my mind.

"I'm sorry too." I say, not making eye contact with him, just fliddling with my fingers.

"I came up with the reason I did," Harry says. I turn to him and look at him a little shocked. Normally people don't have reasons for things like this. "I've been so upset about Jade and my break- up and her being with Dan, thankfully she's not anymore." Harry starts. Jade broke up with Dan immediatley. "And then I kind of took advantage of our friendship." Harry sighs and rubs his forehead like he does when he's annoyed.

"I don't have a reason," I sigh ashamed. "I kissed you back, I cheated on my husband, your band mate." I shake my head. "What do I say to Zayn?" I ask Harry, presuming we're going to tell him.

"Are we going to tell him?" Harry asks me. I shrug and we ponder over it for a minute. 

Cons of telling Zayn: He'll hurt Harry like he hurt Luke. He'll leave me. Our friendships will break apart. Jesy's big day wil be wrecked. Ellie is stuck in the middle. 

Pros of telling Zayn: None. 

"Yeah, I have to Harry." I say to him. I know there's no pros for telling him but we both trust each other and tell each other everything, it's only fair he knows what a f**k up he's married to. 

"Okay, just warn me when you're going to so I can wrap myself in bubble wrap." Harry jokes. I laugh and Harry and I look into each others eyes, in silence as the laughter dies down. "Or we could go have sex." Harry says. 

My face turns to sudden shock and he cracks up. "Just joking Pezz!" He chuckles. "Just wanted to see your reaction." He smirks.

I roll my eyes and hug him, "We all good?" I ask him pulling back but still holding onto his shoulders.

"Yep!" He nods. "And never again will we do something so stupid." Harry smiles and hugs me again. I stand up and walk towards the house.

"Get your bubble wrap ready Styles!" I call and hear him chuckle. I see Zayn inside the glass door chatting and laughing with Liam. My stomach suddeny fills with butterflies and I feel like I need to vomit. No, I need to tell Zayn. 

I walk into the house and tap his shoulder. He turns and nods and I ask to chat to him for a minute, in private. 

I shut the door of the room furthest away from our friends and we stand in the middle of the room. 

"What's up Pep?" He asks smiling. I doubt you'll be smiling in a minute lad... "Perrie?" He asks, probably noticing the fear in my face. 

"There is nothing right about what I'm about to tell you. Nothing deflects on you because you are just amazing and I love you so much-"

"I love you too." He smiles. Hmmm.... we'll see about that in a minute love.

"This is going to hurt, it's really going to hurt because it matters so much to both of us and the other person but I sware I feel like going into a hole and dying because I know I've hurt the only man I've ever loved Zayn." I nod at him. His face drops and he looks confused.

"Perrie?" He asks worried. I feel so sick but here it goes...

"Harry and kissed." I say it as calm as I can but it comes out rushed and stressed. Zayn's face suddenly turns to hurt and sadness. I watch his eyes fill with tears. No! Mine start to fill with tears and he nods his head.

"Why?" He asks obviously really upset. "When? How?" He demands. I'm a f**king stuff up! He doesn't deserve this at all. 

"Two nights ago. He was making sure I was okay after Dan tried to strangle me and I don't know, one second he was kissing my cheek, the next my lips." I explain. 

"He kissed you?" Zayn asks, gritted teeth. No Zayn! I start to move slightly so I'm blocking the door. Zayn turns and doesn't realise what I'm doing. I know Harry is out there and I really do care about him as a friend so that means I'm not letting my muck up get him hurt. 

"No Zayn. We kissed each other. It takes two to share a kiss," I defend Harry. I'd prefer to get hurt than let Harry whose already hurting from the Jade situation, get hurt. "We pulled away, we talked today and there are reasons." I explain.

"Shoot." He mutters, arms crossed, eyes filled with pain. 

"Harry is hurting over Jade, he didn't mean to do anything. Niether of us meant to hurt anybody or each other. I was shaken up and I don't know what happened?" I shake a little. "If anything Zayn, I just want you to know I love you and I feel like an absolute b**ch and you have every right to be whatever you want with me, but not with Harry. Just leave Harry please?" I ask him.

"Okay." He nods. "Can I leave?" He asks. I nod and step aside letting him walk out. I follow after and he heads into the living area where Liam, Leigh- Anne, Harry, Jesy and Louis are. The others are doing other things. 

I watch Zayn walk over to Harry. I asked him to leave Harry alone!

"Hey lad," Zayn taps Harry's shoulder. Harry turns, absolutely terrified of what Zayn might do. I'm scared too.

Suddenly Zayn grabs the back of Harry's head and smacks his lips into Harry's. The others gasp and I stand there in shock. What the flying dog is he doing?

Zayn pulls off, leaving Harry in shock. I watch Zayn grab the baby bag and Ellie before turning around and walking towards the door.

"You said leave him, I did," Zayn stops at me. "And now we're even. He does kiss well. See you soon." He smiles before walking off. I just close my eyes and shake my head. 

"What the f**k was that?" Louis yells a little angry. I open my eyes and our friends are looking between Harry and I. 

"My f**king muck up. See you guys later," I say to them before grabbing my phone and waking out the door and off the property. When I'm on the footpath I look to the left. Our home is that way. I look to the right. Jade's house is that way. 

Without second thought I head to my right.