in my head - hardzello

café

a/n: sorry for such a wait!! i'm gonna try a new thing...

i will be making a spotify playlist called 'in my head - a concept' on my user sophie-lillis. at the start of each part and throughout the chapter, you will be prompted to switch to a new song. 

this will be running from this update onwards . message me if you have any questions (ig - @90smazzello)

i have gone through and added songs to previous chapters, so feel free to re-read.

enjoy <3

song: are you bored yet? - wallows, clairo

suddenly it was monday morning, and suddenly it had been a whole day since the pair had seen each other. they texted back and forth, but neither of them directly acknowledged what they admitted to each other in ben's bedroom on saturday morning. it was sat on the back burner for a while, somewhat refreshing to not be all over each other constantly, they just had time to learn more about each other. they'd called maybe twice over the 36 hour period, it was nice. friendly and nice. but there were things that were eating away at each of them.

poor ben. ben was a little confused. yes, he had always known he was different, but he didn't think he was gay. wait- scratch that. was he even gay? joe made him question things, which he didn't hate, but it did become slightly over whelming at times. when it comes to who you love, what gender, whatever. you can't make those decisions on the spot though, it wasn't instant, you can't just choose. it comes naturally to you, and even if it takes you a while to figure it out, it doesn't make it any less valid. that's what ben needed to be told, but no one could tell him that. he needed someone to tell him that.

and joe, joe was a little confused, too. he knew for sure that he loved ben, that morning settled things for sure. but it was a matter of how everyone else would take it, he had met him five days ago. usually, you don't go around telling people about the love of your life five days after you meet them. but who was there to challenge that? joe. he didn't know how to do it though. he can't just read ben's mind, and see what he's thinking, although sometimes he wished he could. he needed to test the waters, ask questions. he needed to take into account his feelings too. he knew he wanted ben to himself, he just needed a clearer head, and he couldn't help but think it was clearer when he was talking to ben.

so they both had their sides, their similarities and their differences. it was good for them to have their own time, to figure themselves out. and they had. so joe called ben, because he needed a clearer mind. and ben picked up, because he needed someone to talk to.

'it's been a while, benjamin.'

'sure has, joseph.'

'ew, don't call me that ever again.'

'noted.'

then there was a silence, not weird, not awkward. just there.

'i miss you.' joe admitted.

'i miss you too.'

'i want to see you.'

'and you will, in about an hour.'

'oh yeah right. school.'

'what are we gonna do about it?'

'what do you mean?'

'do we like, tell people?'

'tell people what?' joe teased. he obviously knew what ben was talking about, but he wanted to get it out of him. he wanted to hear him say it.

'you know, like...'

'i don't know darling, like what?'

'like how we're like, a thing, i guess.'