The Tutor

Chapter 19: Trying to Grow

"No! Nononononono! Pleathe! It hurth!"
Sumire was backed all the way against the headboard, knobby knees pulled against her chest, head shaking violently, madness in her eyes, which were rolling wildly.
The huge, hulking shadow loomed over her, covering half the wall.
"Be quiet, child, or your mother will hear."
"Thorry, I'm thorry," she whimpered. "I'll be good, I'll be quiet--"

Oh my god.

"Wake up. Wake up! God, you poor thing, you're having a nightmare."

Nick felt himself being shaken briskly and pulled himself up to consciousness, sitting up abruptly.

He found himself face to face with a concerned looking Japan Airlines flight attendant, and Sumire, who was sitting tensely next to him. He could feel perspiration cooling on his body from the air circulating on the plane.

"Nick, are you okay? I know we aren't supposed to wake you, but you were kind of thrashing around, and he was so concerned about you--" Sumire gestured toward the flight attendant, who gave an uneasy bow. Sumire rattled off some rapid-fire Japanese, and he bowed again before hustling off to do her bidding.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he said, trying to sound calm, hoping he hadn't said anything, hoping the woman next to him didn't know what he'd been dreaming about.

The flight attendant returned with a warm towel and cup of tea, both of which Nick accepted gratefully.

Sumire waited until he left to ask her next question.

"How often to you have nightmares about what happened to me?" She shook the shoulder of the arm that wasn't holding the tea when he didn't answer. "Hm? Nick, answer me!"

Nick inhaled and exhaled through his nose and took another drink of his tea before setting the cup down to give himself a moment to think. The cup gave a telltale rattle just before he let go.

Sumire sighed and picked up the towel, leaning in to wipe his face again, moving smoothly down to cover his neck this time as well. Her soft touch felt lovely to Nick, comforting and soothing in equal measure.

"Nick, I'm so, so sorry," she said, her voice anguished. "I never should've shared all of it with you. It's such a burden, and not yours to shoulder, I had no business dumping it on you." She set the towel down again.

She sat back in her own chair, covering her eyes with her hand. "The gift that keeps on giving," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Aww no, don't say that," Nick begged, turning to face her. "We're friends, right? I'm glad you finally have someone to tell, especially if it helps you in some small way." He reached out and patted her shoulder awkwardly. "I don't know, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't seen all those pictures of you in your apartment from when you were little. You know, the ones of you with your dad, eating watermelon, looking at the tadpoles and all that?"

He drew a shuddering breath, making Sumire lower her hand to look at him in concern. "I just can't get the images out of my mind, I can't." He shook his head. "You were so small, so tiny. And he's a beast. He must go over two hundred pounds, easy. I just don't understand." He shook his head again, sniffing. "The truth is that if someone stood over me with a gun and said, 'Do this or I'll shoot you, I'll kill you dead, you motherfucker,' I don't think I could, you know? Or even if they had the gun on Darcie and said they'd shoot her, I still don't think I could, I'm just not physically capable, it would be like telling me to breathe underwater, you understand?" He looked into Sumire's eyes, his own eyes anguished. "For him to want to do that to you, to choose it, and to do it again and again--"