Hope and Darkness

Ch 7

  Ch 7-School starting-Mavis

That Sunday we go to church again.I let the worship team songs wash over me about God as it sanctifies me. I feel his presence.I ask him silently that he would heal me emotionally,spiritually and physically. I thank God for letting me be alive.

Today Pastor Trevor speaks about putting your trust in god and to put your faith in him.He reads Romans 8 today aloud for us.At the end we do communion and he prays for us all.It's the first time I have felt hope in my heart.I know I can put my hope in God to be healed.

After church we have lunch back at Aunt Megan's house.Her husband barbecues us some hot dogs. Aunt Megan fixes her homemade potato salad.We also have a fresh garden salad and lays chips..

"Lord thank you for this food we are about to receive.Thank you for this beautiful Sunday and letting us be all together.Amen,"Aunt Megan said Grace today.

Everyone says "amen."

After everybody finishes lunch Tara and I help out in Aunt Megan's garden.Toby plays baseball with Kyle. .After an hour or so helping auntie in her garden she has me go lay down.After taking a short nap I finish two books I received when I was in the hospital.I get a text from Natalie asking if she wants to go hang out,but I text her back and say,"No too tired and in too much pain."

"Okay.See you soon at BSU. Hope you feel better,"She texted back to me with a emoji smiley face.

My body is still in a lot of pain and I have been stressed out about starting college. I also don't want Natalie to feel sorry for me.

On Monday I have another physical therapy appointment with Danielle.I only need physical therapy for a few more months.She has me practice swimming in the pool today and teaches me swimming lessons.I had swimming lessons when I was nine at Lowell pool,but I was too scared at the time to get the hang of it.Danielle helps me feel calm and has me lay on my back in the pool while she helps me to learn to float on my back to strengthen the muscle in my back.

"She is making progress,"Danielle tells Aunt Megan after changing out of my swimsuit and drying off and changing back into my dry clean clothes.

"That is great to hear.Yes she is,"Auntie replied.

Aunt Megan has me go rest and lay down after lunch today for the rest of the day.She wants me to get back all the strength and energy back for starting school. I just relax and read for most of the day.I still cry everyday in the afternoon.Aunt Megan always comes to comfort me. Memories of my parents and I rush through my mind when I'm alone with my own thoughts.Frequently flashbacks come to me.The accident and being held against my will.It still seems so real.I can't breathe.Why do these flashbacks have to keep coming back?Why did this all happen to me? I erupt into hiccuping sobs.I cry out my sadness and anguish.Why did my parents have to die?

Aunt Megan hears me crying and comes into the room.She quickly shuts the door and sits next to me enveloping me in her arms rocking me back and forth, as I cry into her shoulders.

"It's okay sweetie.Aunt Megan is here. Shsh shh. Just let it all out.Shh shh."

I listen to her gentle calming voice as tears stream down my face.I sob uncontrollably wishing the emotional pain would go away.It's too much for me. I cry out my heart to God wanting to be filled with his presence.I long for peace and to be healed.