focus.
focus.
just fucking focus.
don't focus
on the fact that you can't focus
focus
on the fucking lesson
your grades are dropping
your parents
your teachers
they say
"she's a good student"
"she just needs to try"
but can't they see?
you are trying
you're trying your hardest
no
they can't see that
all they see
is you slacking off
all they see
is your Ds
your Fs
your tests
your failed tests
that you just couldn't study for
because you didn't have the notes
because you didn't take the notes
and you didn't do the homework
because you couldn't focus
you start doubting yourself
am i really trying my best?
if im doing so badly
if im failing
am i really trying?
you reassure yourself
yes.
you are trying.
you're trying your hardest.
so you tell them
you tell your parents
dad, i am trying. im trying my best.
"your best isn't good enough"
it really isn't, is it
your best
it's not good enough
no matter what you do
no matter how hard you try to succeed
to focus
something is holding you back
but you continue
unaware
unaware that something is holding you back
and you make it
it's the end of the year
the end of sixth grade.
another year flies by
another year
full of failure
full of stress
but you push through
and it's the end of seventh grade.
you keep pushing
you keep struggling
you keep suffering
through eighth grade
until
you find out what's been holding you back
why you're failing
what's keeping you from success
concentration.
can't focus in class
can't take notes
can't do homework
can't take tests
can't do anything
but you found a solution
medication.
adderall will help.
adderall did help
but not enough
the dosage was raised
higher
higher
higher
but to no avail
it didn't help
so you switch
concerta
surely, concerta will help
it did help
but not enough
so the dosage was raised
higher
higher
and your appetite decreases
more
and more
and your weight decreases
more
and more
and more
and you're not allowed to increase your dosage anymore
because your weight is declining excessively
is what the doctor tells you
the pill did lower your appetite
as the doctor predicted
but it doesn't anymore
you are hungry
you're starving
you just don't want to eat
and if you dont eat
you'll lose weight
and if you lose weight
you won't be allowed the medication
and if you won't be allowed the medication
you won't be able to do anything
you'd be helpless
a mess
yet again
so please
don't let it happen again
