unexpected ; yeonbin

four

hours had passed and yeonjun had found it a struggle to stay asleep. the sun was slowly rising as it was about five in the morning. this was the third time he'd woken up in the past four hours. he sighed before sitting up and grabbing his phone. he moved to sit in the chair next to the window, a clear view of the sun rising over the small buildings, the sounds of birds chirping and the soft breeze entering from the slightly open window. it felt so calm and relaxing.

"y-yeonjun?" a small voice was heard.

yeonjun immediately snapped his head round to the voice, thoughts interrupted as soobin lay before him finally awake.

"soobin." he said. his expression relaxed into a small smile. he stood up and walked to the bed where soobin lay. he knelt by the edge of the bed, and held soobin's hand in his. "i am so fucking glad your awake." he spoke, leaning his head on the duvet before kissing the younger's hand gently.

there was a short yet suffocating silence between the two.

"why'd you do it, binnie?" yeonjun finally spoke, his voice cracking slightly.

"hyung, i-" soobin struggled to get words out at the time. his throat was sore from having his stomach pumped of the pills. "a-aren't you mad?" the younger boy spoke softly.

"no baby, no. of course not. if anything i'm mad at myself for not being there for you. and for not noticing when we were together. is this why you broke up with me? to try and kill yourself?" yeonjun's voice was barely above a whisper. tears falling down his cheeks at the sight before him.

"i'm sorry, hyung." soobin's voice was soft yet raspy. he didn't think he had any tears left until he started sobbing in his hands. yeonjun immediately sat up and laid down next to the younger, pulling him into a tight embrace, letting him cry in his chest.

"shh, love, don't be sorry. i am always here for you, and i always will be. none of this is your fault." yeonjun stroked soobin's hair, calming him down.

minutes had passed before soobin's sobs had lessened, now only few tears falling from his eyes.

"why did you do it, binnie? talk to me hm?" yeonjun hadn't let go of soobin, his hand still softly stroking the younger's head.

"i'm fed up of everything hyung. you were the best thing that happened to me but i had to let you go, and i'm sorry for that." soobin paused when he felt yeonjun place a soft kiss on the top of his head. "i'm failing art, hyung."

yeonjun was shocked. art was soobin's major in college, his passion.

"h-how? you're so good at it. it's what makes you, you." yeonjun spoke softly.

"i lost my motivation. you, hyung. i lost you. and i am the one to blame. when i broke up with you i just kept thinking of how tired i was and how much everyone would be better off without me, and so i planned a date to leave."

"at the time i wasn't one hundred percent sure about it. but the thought was always there, hyung." soobin explained. "i sound so pathetic." he raised his hand to wipe the tears falling. "i don't know why this has happened to me, hyung. nothing bad has happened to me"

"i feel so fucking selfish for this but i couldn't help it." soobin paused. "am i fucked up hyung?"

"am i a freak?"

"no, baby. don't ever think that. you are not selfish, nor a freak. you are so very strong for staying with us, even if you didn't want to." yeonjun held soobin's face in his hand, looking into his teary eyes, ones held with every emotion, yet nothing but a dark abyss within them.

"soobin. do you- do you hear voices or anything?" yeonjun asked, concerned for the boy.

"nothing but my own dumb conscience." he muttered in response.

yeonjun let out a slight sigh of relief, just letting himself hold the younger for just a while more.

"what time is it, junnie?" yeonjun looked up a little, not hearing the nickname in a very long time, a soft smile spreading across his face.

"it's nearly five thirty am. go back to sleep, love. i'll be here when you wake up."

"i love you hyung."

"i love you too, binnie. so much." yeonjun replied, more tears falling as he held onto soobin for dear life. he's not going anywhere, not anymore. not now, not ever. he was here to stay.