I bring you words

of march where you fall

the 23rd of march

me on the brown armchair near the window
(blue morning sky stretching away across fields)

dawning on that she's dead
anything but this

I thought then,
And I knew minutes later

nine o'clock
smooth slip into oblivion
(while I bounced on a trampoline)

That realisation
Clasping back to the reality
That she's gone
gone.
Her presence is now one of a ghost in my mind
reminding me

my father took me to buy fish
flowers starting to bloom
clams, and twitchy-eyed crabs
who's lives i cannot bear to kill

we went out
on a walk with nature
garlic stifled the air

later around a table of ten
three orphans
one missing, coming on tuesday

teary-eyed hugs glittered the room
a toast to her life;
the trips around the world,
the wartime diets,
size ten wedding dresses,

we celebrated my grandmother  that night
all together

death ended with us in a taxi
my brother on my left, my father on my right
my mother, an orphan, staring out at the night sky
ever watchful