Letter to My Former Self ||Bakushima||

//5// Real.

Bakugou Katsuki

"Early? It's Saturday." He steps in and I closely follow behind. His mom's eyes immediately meet mine.
      Her eyes are copper. Nothing like Kirishima's red ones. She has black, unkempt hair, and Kirishima's broad shoulders. Her skin looks rough as if she's been bathing in rocks. And even while she's sitting down, I can still tell she's fairly tall.
      "Who's he?" She says. Kirishima looks at me and opens his mouth, but she cuts him off. "Am I supposed to know him, too?"
      "No, don't worry," He lowers his head slightly. "This is my friend, Bakugou. We go to college together." He looks back up and faintly smiles at me.
      "Oh. Well in that case, nice to meet you."
      "You too." Kirishima takes a seat in one of the chairs across from her hospital bed. I take the seat next to his.
      This can't be the same women. The women Kirishima told me about was injurious and destructive. This woman seems almost emotionless.
      "What's there to question me about today?" Her eyes wander around the room. She admires everything from wall to wall, only occasionally glancing at me, and me specifically. She almost never looked at Kirishima until he finally took a deep breath and began to speak.

Kirishima Eijirou

      "They told me you were talking about someone named Hiroshi. Do you still remember him? Is there anything you could tell me about?"
      "Hiroshi..." She trails off, examining Kirishima's eyes. "Yes. I remember him. I remember a lot about him. You, him, and that damned house."
      I lean forward a bit. My hands clench onto the arms of the chair. 
      "He was supposed to take you." I freeze. Take me? "He said he would, but no. He was scared for you. He knew I would be an abusive mother, so he said he'd leave and take you with him. But sadly that couldn't happen. From what the police told me, he was attacked at a bar and beat to a pulp. Leaving me with you." She pauses. Fear became a tangible, living force that crept over me like some hungry beast, immobilizing me; my brain, holding me captive. My eyes were shaking, and my vision became a blur. I let go of the armrests and started digging my nails into my palm. Not a good coping mechanism, I know, but at least it kept me from turning around and punching four holes in the wall.
      For a moment, I had completely forgotten Bakugou was in the room. That is until I feel him reach out and place his hand over mine. I look over. The action alarms me at first, but once I look up to see Bakugou's reassuring face I slowly began to feel calmer, unclenching my hand to hold his.
      I look back to Mom. "Who was he to me? Why did he say he was gonna take me away?"
      "Because he knew I was crazy." She replied bluntly. "He didn't wanna see his precious child get hurt." A sharp pain enters the very pit of my stomach. I feel unsteady, as if someone had hit me in the head with the back of a pistol and I'm about to collapse. I don't feel anything. I can't tell if I'm hot or cold. I can't feel the chair I was just sitting on a second ago. I can't feel his hand clenching onto mine. I can't tell if my hearts still beating and I think I may have stopped breathing. Nothing going on right now is real. I'm not real. This moment isn't real. If only that were all true. If only this wasn't real. If only at that moment, I had stopped breathing.
      "Child?" My voice is so soft it could just barely be counted as a whisper.
      "You mean you don't- well I guess you might've been too young to remember. God, if only he didn't have to fuck around and get himself killed we would both be fine right now! Well, at least you would be." Her mouth keeps moving but I can't hear her. She rambles on and on, slowly getting more and more agitated with every word she says.
      When I finally tune back in, the only words I hear are, "Maybe he could've saved you. Saved you from growing up with a disgusting mother like me." That's when I lose it. Internally, that is. Everything inside me goes dead. It's a feeling most people wouldn't be able to understand. It's worse than being sad or angry. It's when everything inside you just goes blank, and your emotions leave you to fend for yourself. But without emotions, you don't know how to react, how to respond, you don't know how, or what, you're supposed to feel so you feel nothing. You do nothing.
      Finally, her lips stop moving. She averts her gaze out the window, squinting at the view outside in anger.
      My grip on Bakugou's hand loosens, so he holds tighter. For a moment, just a moment, I catch a glance at him. Bakugou has never been one to hold in his anger. He'll attack anyone who sets him off. But right now, I can tell he's doing everything in his power not to explode. He knows I'll be upset if he says anything hurtful to her, so he's not saying anything. Bakugou isn't the type of person to do this, yet he's doing this for me.
      "Kirishima," He whispers leaning closer to me. At first, I don't respond. "Answer me, Kiri."
      "I need to step outside."