Denial

Chapter 1: A Devil Called Desire

Let's be honest, we all have some sort of dream, some sort of calling that we feel is what we are meant to do. Something that calms us down in times of destruction, something that can wash away all our worries when reality comes crashing in. We all have something that we feel can transport us somewhere were time doesn't exist, where all the pain we feel, and all the lies we tell, just disappear, and there is just right here and right now.

Because everyone has scars, that we cover up because w are afraid to get hurt again. We all have masks we hide under because we are scared people will judge us. And because we all have feelings that we hide because we think that'll no one will understand the emotional distress that we go through everyday, just trying to get through as we stare at the clock, waiting for the hours to turn to dust. And with all those scars, masks, and feelings that we use to lock people out, we have something that makes us feel at peace with everything we've done, and everything we've seen.

There are some people that have perfect lives, growing up with everything that they could ever wish for, growing up with food on the table every night, growing up with two living and happy parents, who are there throughout you're whole life, just being there to hold you when your heart gets broke, and being there to tell you when you messed up. And well most kids get to live that very fulfilling and happy life, I on the other hand was not so lucky.

I was young when my parents were murdered, or that is just what the police think. I was only two years old when my parents were taken. They searched and searched for them for weeks, until they closed the case, claiming that they were dead. I was only two when I was out into foster care, growing up, jumping from family to family. Waiting for one to decide I was good enough to keep. But that never happened. Each family was the same, claiming that I was messed up, and that I didn't connect with them. That's what they wrote on the forms at least.

I'm not gonna lie, after my parents were taken, I had some problems. I developed anger issues at a very young age. I would get mad at the littlest things, having to eat broccoli, or having to sit in time out because I accidentally peed my pants. And I would completely explode. I would throw everything in sight, demolishing anything and everything I could get my hands on. And instead of getting the help I needed, all my foster families threw me out.  Even though I was still young enough to forget these terrible nights that now scar my memory.

As I was threw about house to house almost my whole life, I slowly developed a love of cooking. Mixing so many different things and creating something that fueled you're body and that satisfied you're taste buds. It made me happy to know that I was able to help these simple ingredients live up to their full potential. Even if they are just spices and chopped veggies. Cooking made me lose myself and time. Making me realize that some part of me is good at something, and that something makes me more happy then I have ever been.

Throughout time, I realized that cooking is what I wanted to do with my life. But I knew that I couldn't just rush into anything, especially without a plan. So over the years, I made a plan, with three very important steps, and that these steps are what would make up my life. And even though I might have not had the very best upbringing, doesn't mean I can't create a better, more stable future for myself and my future family. And I knew that nothing could get in the way of that.

Firstly I'm going to earn enough money doing meaningless jobs to open my very own restaurant. Cooking helped me not to go crazy, helped me not have my blackouts and explosions, so why not create a stable and happy place where I can do the thing I love, and people can eat the stuff they love. This place is going to be a place where people can truly be themselves, and we're they don't have to hide who they are. Or what they eat, but that's besides the point.

Secondly, I'm going to meet someone that completely understands and gets me. They would accept me and my rage issues, and someone that I didn't have to hide from. He would accept my worst and best self, and he would love just as i will love him. And our love will be like a fairy tale, magical and happy. And we will be together for all of our living lives. And not anything or anyone will get in the way of it. I'll make sure of that.