Him

Hell Among Us

I arrive in Anaheim to meet up with the one and only Eileen. Aka positivedolan, aka superduperdolan, aka Graysons favorite.

No kidding though. He used to follow her on Instagram and they talked and interacted 10 times more than Ethan and I ever did while I had my follow. She had over 70 thousand followers on Instagram despite her being quite inactive over the past few months.

She's lost interest in the twins. Grayson has put her through so much, she just can't mentally or emotionally deal with it much anymore.

I walk into this Mexican restaurant she told me to meet her at and once I spot her I quickly approach the table and swiftly slide into the booth as I can't contain my excitement anymore.

I haven't talked to her since the last flight I had went to so she has no idea what's been going on with Ethan and myself.

"Bitchhhhh, I have so much to tell you!"

"I bet ! You literally haven't talked to me in weeks, I thought you finally went through with your threat to kill yourself for the 200th time this year."

......

"Alright bitch now listen" I say as I begin to laugh at her overly dark humor that I've grown accustomed to.

She's dramatic but it's true. For some reason, we live in a time where threatening to kill your self has been normalized as a silly joke. An exaggerated saying people often say over the smallest inconvenience.

"But no seriously, Ethan and I, I don't know what's happening but we legit have feelings for each other."

I have yet to figure out how to adequately explain the exact nature of the relationship we are developing. I am very clearly no longer just a fan, and we have also surpassed the boundaries of friendship.

However, we are no where near close to calling our selves a couple though I do consider us to be exclusive to one another. It's an unspoken rule between us that we don't seek anything romantic or sexual with anyone else.

Yet neither of us know where this is headed which In a way is so beautiful. The blind journey we are headed out on proves what we have is so powerful we don't need words for it which provides me with such a placid feeling.

Making me physically feel lighter like sand drying up after the ocean attacks it with its harsh waves of unapologetic fury.

As I'm deep in thought, I quickly come out of my own head as I notice Eileen choking on the water she just sucked up through her straw, she begins ferociously coughing and frantically trying to catch her breath. I don't know whether to be concerned or if I should be laughing. When she finally regains control of herself she begins with her belligerent laughing, so loud I'm sure the aliens on mars could hear her.

"FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER?!"

She shouts at me, I feel my face lose tightness as I feel a wave of doubt and self consciousness override the confident demeanor I had when I stepped in the restaurant.

Looking around, skimming the restaurant to see if anyone had been paying close enough attention to what she was laughing at as though anyone was ever even listening that closely in the first place.

"Wow! You're more delusional than I thought. So what makes you think that? Did he dm you and tell you he loves you again?"

This is the natural nature of Eileen and I's fucked up relationship. We drag each other through hell and back, laughing if one of us gets stuck in limbo, only aiding one another if they admit to being a piece of shit.

It's quite twisted and makes you wonder the origins of the emotions we had to have been feeling when something deemed as crossing the point of no return became a forgivable joke.