love behind the camera • donkiss

12

Another day, another opportunity to become better. Nandito na kami sa taping ng playhouse. Tanong sila ng tanong sakin kung bakit umiiyak akong umalis kagabi at kung bakit namamaga yung mata ko. At ang lagi kong sagot sa kanila e "nanuod kasi ako ng sad movies." At alam kong hindi sila naniniwala.

Donny is already here. Agad naman syang tumabi sakin kanina pag dating nya, just like the old times.

"Parang alam ko na kung bakit namamaga yung mata ni Kisses" sabi ni tita Nadia at nagtinginan naman silang lahat sa akin tsaka kay Donny
"Ayyy si tita, nanuod nga po ako kagabi kaya namaga yung mata ko. Nakakaiyak po kasi yung story nung bida."
"Nako nako Kisses, nagamit ko na yung excuse na ganyan dati" Ate Angelica said kaya natawa ang lahat.

Tahimik lang naman si Donny dito sa tabi ko.
"Ang mga kabataan talaga ngayon. Pag usapan nyong dalawa yan ah. Donny, man up." Kuya Z said and then they all left me and Donny.

"I'm --"
"Don't talk if you'll just say you're sorry." Putol ko sa pagsasalita nya
"What do you want me to say then?" he asked. Hindi ako nagsalita.

"I didn't mean what I said last night."
"I know you know that you mean it. It would not came from your mouth if you didn't" I said. I don't know but I think my mind is still closed right now, because I am too hurt.

"Okay, somewhat I mean it. That I am tired and hurt with what is happening between our loveteam. Because there are people who are being bashed because of this pair up."

I know where it would lead. His myx family especially Sharlene. I don't know what's between them.

"Is it about sharlene?"

Hindi siya nagsalita. Tinignan nya lang ako.

"Do you think I am not aware that you said all those because of Shar?" I tsked.

"It's not only about her."

"Yeah it is. And fyi, Donny I am not in control with our supporters feelings. And kung ano yung gagawin nila. You are worried with Shar's welfare. I am just wondering if mine's ever crossed your mind?"

"Of course. I'm also thinking about your welfare." He said as if it's a matter of fact

"But it doesn't show Donny. As I've said I don't have control with our supporters emotions. And I'm so sorry for Shar if ever nasasaktan man sya. But I am hurting too Donny. Dati fans lang nung mga kasabay ko sa PBB yung nangbabash sakin, pero nung naging loveteam tayo? All your solids are against me. Your shippers with others are all against me. They called me names that clearly I am not. Pero may narinig ka sakin Donny? Diba wala?"

"Wala kase I am trying to understand them. And ang point ko dito is we are all suffering. Kaya wag mong isisi lang sakin yung mga nangyayari ngayon. We are all hurting. We have this little battle in our life."

"Kung alam mo lang Donny, ubos na ubos na ako." With that, I cried my heart out

"Pagod na pagod na ako ng umintindi. Intindihin na why it is easily for all of you to judge me? Am I a bad person may nagawa ba ako sa past life ko para pagdaanan ko to? Being in this industry for almost 3 years, I always feel empty. Ubos na ubos na ako donny."

Naramdaman ko na lang na niyakap nya ako. With that I cried harder.

"Ssshhhhh stop crying."
"I'm sorry for everything. For being insensitive with how you feel. But I just wanted to say to you that you are loved and appreciated by many. I know it doesn't always show but I'm proud of you, always."
"I'm sorry for everything, for only looking at a one side of the story. Im sorry I didn't know that you are hurting. I'm really sorry Kirsten, I really am."

Hagod lang sya ng hagod sa likod ko. And ramdam kong basang basa na yung tshirt nya. Pero yung iyak ko kase ayaw tumigil.
He kept on murmuring to me that eventually, things will be alright. I hope so.

Nung mahimasmasan ako, I composed myself and I said thanks to him. And he just smiled

Saktong pagdating ni Kuya Z.
"Ano okay na kayo?" Donny looked at me
I just smiled at Kuya Z.
"Sino ba nagsabing hindi kami okay Kuya? Issue ka e." sagot ko sa kanya
"Hooohhh Kisses, okay ba yung magang maga yang mata nyong dalawa? Issue mo muka mo,tsinelasin ko kayong dalawa e." Napatingin ako kay Donny at Hindi ko inasahang umiyak din pala sya.

"Donny, isa pang iyak ni Kisses. Malilintikan ka talaga sakin." Banta naman ni Kuya Z sa kanya. I just smiled with the thought of how Kuya Z treats me. So I went to him and hug him.

"Thank youuuuu Kuya. Labyu labyu." I said to him

"Basta ang lahat ay nadadaan sa mabuting usapan." He said to the both of us. And he left

Nilapitan naman ako ni Donny.
"Are we really okay now?"
"Yes. I'm sorry too."
"No you don't have to say sorry. It's all on me. I'm sorry again."

And he hugged me. And I hug him back.

Maybe I just needed to let all my frustrations and  my feelings for me to be okay.