Suffering

Revelation

My perception of things has changed completely.

So, yesterday i did go to the place Pseudo told me to go. Of course, i did carry a gun because the building hr called me to was shady and abandoned but more importantly i was meeting a man who had killed three people.

I entered the building, he did mention in his note that it was an abandoned motel and to come to room number 25. That is exactly where i went, though i proceeded with caution.

Before i opened the door i did not know what to expect but nothing could have prepared for what lie on the other side.

There was a man on the floor. Stomach open, throat slit. Not a clean slit, but a more intentionally jagged slit. I could see some ink on his stomach.

On an old armchair, there was another man. Probably a bit older than me.

"Ah, Tom, so happy you could make it."

I instictively went for the gun.

"Oh, please there is no need for that

.... yet."

"Why have you called me here? How did you know where i live? Why kill these people?"

"So many questions! But stay calm i am not going to kill you and i will tell you everything. Has the media or the police given me a serial killer name?"

"No, only i have, Pseudo."

"Kinda shitty name. Only you."

"I have a journal.:

"That's good, a man as alone as you, journal could do some good. Do mention this incident."

"Alright, now explain the murders? Why did they deserve it?"

In a second, his joking & friendly demeanor turned stone cold.

"It is a long story."

"I have time. And please start from the begining."

"So, when i was 10, i was really into 8 or 9 year old girls. That didn't go away when i turned 13. It was when i turned 16 thay no matter what, i liked young little girl, that i was a pedophile and i couldn't hel.."

"You're a bloody pervert!"

"Don't interuppt! No, i am not a pervert! That is the problem! All pedophiles are not molesters! Now, if you would let me continue.

So i was sure who i was, and society would always hate me. I started leading a very miserable existence, i had a job as a programeer till i was 27.

I got married to my wife, Emma when i was 33.

She was my only salvation from the horror of existence.

We did not have any children. She died four years ago, due to a mugging.

It was, then, i hit a truely depressive phase. I did not go out of house, my social life was non-existent. I was thinking of suicide.

This was around the time, Katie shifted to the house next to mine. She was the only little sunshine i had in my life.

They stole it from me."

"Who was Katie?"

"She was the eight year old daughter of my neighbour. Didn't really like her father but i had to talk to him too. This went on for a year. She knew i loved her although i never told her how much i loved her because she was a child."

"And then..."

"She went missing. I looked a lot for her. Asked every cop.

But, i found out."

"How?"

"My job as a programeer means i know more than usual people. There is a hidden part of the web, much bigger, it is called the deep web. You can't access it through Chrome or Safari or Google search won't work.

It has all kind of illegal things on it. Drugs, hitmen, bookie business and yes, child porn.

I found a video titled '9 yr old Katie gets banged by 2 men'

It was half hour long.

She was assaulted. She was crying. She was bleeding."

"Oh my..."

I felt my gut turn as i puked.

"Now, the reason i killed these four men. They all had a part to play in it.

My first victim was who uploaded the video.

Second was the one in the video and also who killed her and threw her body at the bottom of the lake.

Third was her father who's idea it was to do all this horrid stuff. He was also the second person in the video

    The last one, this one was the one who created the website."

"Oh shi.."

"I loved Katie with all my heart.

I would never hurt her. Anything sexual would be out of the question. I am not guilty of those i killed i would do it again.

"So you called me to tell your story?"

"No, actually you will shoot me."

"What!?"

"You must wonder why i called you and not anyonther cop. It was because you are like me.

Plagued by loneliness, plagued by darkness, plagued by sufering."

"I can't shoot you. The world needs to know."

"Oh, the world doesn't give two shitd about anyone. Our world runs on hatred."

"There is always a way.... i need to go now, people will be looking for me now, i have been here all night."

"I am tired of this world, Tom. Im leaving.

I will be saying hi to Emma and Katie...

Bye Tom,the best days of my life were with them."

And as i tried to grab onto him, his coat slipped through my fingers. He jumped from the building. Died on impact.

Still shaken, from the shocking things i witnessed today.

I hope Katie is at peace now.

My life as he mentioned is excessively lonely. I will probably put myself out there a more.

He did not deserve what happened to him. I really need to go to bed, but needless to say

I will always remember, Lucas.