Make Up Your Mind • Sean & Kaycee

6. Resolution

The first thing Kaycee registered when she woke up was the blinding sunlight that turned her vision red. With a groan, she turned over to her other side, careful not to move too much. Her head was pounding, and even without opening her eyes, she was sure they were swollen. She took a few more moments to savor the feeling of the cool pillowcase and warm sheets before she opened her eyes.

The first thing Kaycee saw was Sean’s sleeping figure next to hers. He didn’t seem to have moved much from last night. He lay on top of the covers while she lay under, the thick sheets separating them. HIs jet-black hair and dark monochrome clothes starkly contrasted the snow white beddings. Sean was curled up on his side, with his back to her. She could see his ribs expand and contract with every breath.

Last night was...confusing. And difficult. To say the least.

After he slammed the bedroom door behind them, Sean just paced the room like an angry predator. The whole apartment was eerily quiet, and Kaycee couldn’t do anything but watch him pace from her spot in the middle of her bed. Neither one of them said anything for a very long time. It could have been hours for all she knew.

Sean simmered, pacing. He was like a tightly wound spring, ready to uncoil in a snap or the slightest touch. Kaycee didn’t know what to do. They’ve had so many fights before, but they were rarely ever personal. They would normally yell at each other, followed by hours of the silent treatment. Then, they’d either apologize or just sweep it under the rug.

This was new territory.

After what felt like forever, Kaycee decided to take a leap of faith.

“Sean.” She whispered, careful not to agitate him further. “Please say something.”

He finally looked at her, and what she saw in his eyes made her stop. Anger pain, desperation, confusion - all boiling behind his brown eyes.

“I don’t...understand. What in the hell just happened?” Sean choked out, voice low. “I’m trying to remember everything, retrace everything. It’s not adding up in my head.”

He counted one on his thumb. “You always said we weren’t dating, or together, or saw each other that way. You were always the first to deny it.”

He counted two on his pointer. “You cringed or pulled away when I would be accidentally affectionate. You’d shove me away, or make a hug seem platonic.”

He counted three on his middle finger. “Then you get mad when other girls make a move on me.”

He counted four on his ring finger. “Now...this. Your outburst, which really hurt, by the way.” He rubbed his chest, where she pounded on just a while ago.

Kaycee catalogue each item in her mind, owning up to her actions. She understood that it was hard for him. She definitely hadn’t made it easy for him to keep them afloat all these years.

“I know, and I’m sorry.” She said, wringing her hands and picking at her nails, too ashamed to look him in the eyes. “I’m just scared.”

“I can barely remember a time before you were in my life, Sean. We’ve known each other since we were kids, even as acquaintances. Then, we became friends, and partners, and everything started  to escalate so quickly! We danced mainly with each other. We spent everyday together, even when we didn’t have to, even though we live 2 hours away from each other. We became one unit, one identity. For crying out loud, there’s an ‘official’ way to say our names. It’s ‘Sean and Kaycee’. It can’t be ‘Kaycee and Sean’ because that sounds weird now. It has to be said in that order, and everyone addresses us that way.”

“And that scared you? That our lives became all about each other?” He asked, still rooted in his spot on the floor.

“Yes.” Kaycee admitted. “Because we’re so young. Too young to have our life revolve around another person. I mean, I haven’t even had a fling, much less a boyfriend, before. Do you know how shocking it was to realize how I felt about you? Most people don’t realize they’ve found their soulmate at 15 years old.”