Empty Chains ✔️ | #ONC2019

| Chapt. Twelve | Foolish Misery|

Paralyzed.

Choke and die or run away.

The decision takes too long, every second takes my survival away from me.

With nothing left inside me, legs with anticipation, I succumb.

Closing my eyes, I know at that moment it's true. I'll never see my precious mother smiling in the morning when I come down for breakfast or experience the way she never fussed at me, even when I broke something so important.

That undying love is gone, along with my soul.

I'd die an insufferable virgin because I was too stubborn to let Nathan in, just because I wanted the first time to mean something. I'd die knowing I pushed him to cheat on me in arguments, heartbroken when he'd finally done so and yet still miss the amount of love he showered me with.

The foolish misery dies with me here.

Tears pour down my cheeks, landing into shaking palms and numb skin.

Perhaps I'm dead now, perhaps it's true you never feel a thing.

But I do.

Sensation bombards me in one hefty blow, David's large, towering figure thrusting my weak frame onto the floor and into darkness.

He screams, but not the kind of scream you hear in torturous horror films or painful endings. It isn't one of triumph of overcoming inevitable odds.

I wouldn't wish the sound upon my worst enemy.

This, right here, is the twisted, gut wrenching, yell of sacrifice. Soaking with agony, drenched with the sound of blood writhing to the surface. Proving one last time to the world who he knew he was.

Not intelligent, but brave.

Not calculated, but instinctual.

Not willing, but able.

Able to do away with every chance to do something meaningful.

It all felt like a searing waste, his intentions so truly to save us both knowing the risk.

I was nothing, am nothing but a stranger to this man.

And now I'll never know more than a name.

Sobs begin wracking my body when I try to stand, try to scoot away from the coming source of pain. David is a meat puppet, a distraction. A means of buying time.

Someone lost their soul for me.

"David..." I whisper, catching my breath and shoving tears off with my sleeve as fast as they come.

Someone is yelling for me, begging for my attention, but I keep crawling. Not away, but towards.

I have to see it. I have to see it for myself.

My skin meets marble over and over again, ignoring the sickening moans and crunches in the distance. Just a few more feet.

Just a few more and I'll find where he's landed.

When I first touch something wet and warm, I shrink away. Vomit threatens to spill out, but I force it back down. Shallow, rough pants sound just beneath me. They aren't tired as I'd expect, just hoarse and empty.

The tears crawl up again, but blurry vision doesn't stop me from searching out a hand and grabbing on tight.

"You're a fucking idiot," I hiss, strangled sobs burning deep in the back of my throat like a wet, hot branding iron. "An absolute fucking moron..."