Code Black // Arrow

13 | Grapefruit

Queen Mansion appeared taller than it did the last time I stood outside of its walls. The soles of my boots were firmly planted against the driveway while my hazelnut eyes remained locked on the looming building in front of me. Air stopped flowing through my body as my throat constricted at the sight of the mansion, feeling as if it was growing larger right in front of my eyes with the threat of bending over and smothering me.

After years of avoiding the Queen household, I despised how I continued to find myself on the property, standing fifteen feet from the front door. This was the second time this week I found myself back at this place with the same unbearable sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, silently wishing the ground would open up beneath my feet and swallow me into the earth.

My shoulders fell with every passing second, burdened with the weight and fear from the night of my kidnapping. I bent over with my hands on my knees, gasping for a breath, struggling to pull oxygen into my lungs. The panic overwhelmed my entire body and the process of how to breathe seemed to be wiped from my mind. I stumbled backward, uneasy on my shaky legs, desperate to put as much distance as I could between the front door and myself.

"Whoa, hey--"

Tommy skidded to a stop in front of me, the bottom of his shoes scuffed against the concrete as he placed his hands on my shoulders, gingerly straightening my body out. His voice brought a wave of comfort and familiarity throughout my body. He held up majority of my weight as he turned us around until my back faced the house.

"Hensley, breathe," he calmly instructed, noticing the visible signs of a panic attack from all of the ones he witnessed me have over the previous years. He shot a concerned look over my shoulder at Chase, silently communicating with each other. Tommy flicked his cobalt eyes back to my hazelnut ones. "Hey, hey. Look at me, okay? You're safe. You're okay. I'd never let anything bad happen to you again."

I gasped for a breath. My face grew hot before the heat traveled down my arms and the rest of my body until I was sure I caught on fire.

"No one can get to you here. You're completely safe," Tommy reassured me, eyes filled with pain as he watched me struggle.

Chase walked up beside me, walking louder than usual to give me a warning of his arrival instead of startling me.

My attention shifted back and forth between the two of them, gasping for a breath, hating how I strived to be such a badass, deadly killer when I needed to be, yet I couldn't even face the Queen Mansion after being kidnapped. I couldn't feel powerful if a building made me weak. I knew I needed to conquer this fear, especially considering Oliver was back and that meant frequent visits to his home again.

"I'm- I'm sorry," I apologized, breathlessly. I narrowed my eyes on his face, concentrating on the way he was breathing to match mine to his, a trick we learned two years ago when I became overwhelmed with a state of panic.

My panic attacks were more frequent after I safely returned back to Starling City with my father, progressively growing worse with every nightmare and touch from a person that wasn't Tommy or Dad. The first two years were straight hell with the nightmares, panic attacks, and fear of every living person and thing.

Dad helped the pain and fear lessen with every lesson he taught me, teaching me how to protect myself, whether it was with a weapon or my bare hands. With every lesson, every language, every bruise, every scar-- it taught me how to become stronger. I learned that nothing could hurt me anymore unless I allowed it.

Dad helped me become the best version of myself.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Tommy reassured me.