Let me get my way | Pesy

Feel like shit

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Perrie's POV
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I really hurt her. I shouldn't have said anything. Fuck. And now I can't fix it. She locked me out. She doesn't even wanna talk to me anymore. I ran into my room, locked the door and cried in my pillow until I fell asleep. I was just thinking about her feelings and how I shouldn't have said I don't love her back. I should've just kept my fucking mouth shut.

I was woken up by a loud knock on my door. I don't know what time it is. Or for how long I've slept.

"Pez?" I heard Jesy's voice from the other side of the door. Her voice sounded weak and tired. She was crying a lot. I didn't say anything. "Pez, please let me in. I know you're awake. You were sobbing five seconds ago. Pez, please." She kept pushing. I slowly stood up, walked to the door and unlocked it, wothout saying a word. She walked in the room and stood awkwardly in front of me. None of us said anything. I couldn't stand it. Then I hugged her tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Jes. I fucked up. I'm sorry." I apologized as I cried into her shoulder. She hugged me back. "I really fucked up. I'm so fucking sorry. Please forgive me, Jes." I kept apologizing. Then Jesy spoke up.

"Pez, it's okay. You don't have to feel bad. You don't have feelings towards me. You don't have to have. I overreacted." She comforted.

"But I feel like shit. I want to have feelings towards you. I've already rejected you so many times. I just want to say that I love you. I mean, I do, but I don't love you like you love me. And I just wanna say I'm in love with you. But I can't. And I feel like shit." I confessed and she shook her head.

"Don't force yourself. You'll fall in love with someone someday. If you're not gonna be happy with me, I'm gonna be happy to see you happy with someone else." She said with a smile. I felt so bad. She was madly in love with me. And I wasn't even close to feeling like that towards her.

"But, Jes. I don't want you to be happy for me. I want you to be happy with me. I just want your wish to come true. But now it can't. I'm sorry." I apologized again and cried. How could she still talk to me after I said that I don't love her back. How does she do it?

"If you don't it's completely okay. I don't want you to be unhappy just to make me happy." She comforted. "We have classe in a few minutes. Just get ready." She said and exited the room.

I quickly got ready and went to class. The lessons were boring, but for a little while at least, I forgot about feeling like shit about Jesy. But as soon as I entered the dorm everything hit me. I just started crying. I collapsed on the couch in the living room and just cried. I don't know why I felt like shit and Jesy didn't. How was she the one lifting me up whenever I'm crying? How can she still look me in the eyes without breaking down in tears? Then the door to our dorm swung open. I heard footsteps.

"What the fuck are you crying about?" Gigi asked, a bit aggressive.

"You wouldn't understand." I calmed down and replied.

"Oh really?" She wondered.

"Oh really." I returned.

"But what if I wanna help you?" She asked.

"Do you really? Because you fucked Alex while we were still together. And you do know you're a bitch to me, right?" I explained.

"Well, yeah, but that's me. And the thing with Alex was a one time thing. I wanted to make him break up with you so he would be with me. And he was drunk when we had sex. I made him drink a ton. I've tried to get him sober, but he's faithful. And after the sex he still didn't wanna break up. I forced him to say that he's losing interest in you because if he didn't I would've told you about everything. And when you broke up with him he really was sad. He loved you. And I figured out how wrong that was what I did. And now he hates me." She confessed. I looked at her.

"So he does love me?" I asked. I wanted to go back to him, but suddenly I felt no feelings towards him. They just disappeared. Gigi nodded.

"And he wants you back." She said. I finally stopped crying. And sat up.

"Well, you know what? Too bad. Because I'm finally over him. My heart belongs to someone else." I said, stood up and walked out of the dorm.