Wallflower

6

Looking at the flashing cityline she tapped the steel railing and lifted her neck to witness the clear night sky. It had been a day that Dadi left her house for her sake. Remorse, guilt and what not started building up again in her throat and she exhaled.

Her jaws were clenching. Stress had a thing to do in her life.

It was a different feeling. This place on earth belonged to him and when did she start belonging herself to him, she never realized. The sad winter night and the lemon fence now looking quite terrifying - and she could not think anymore as her ears heard, "Merjan?"

Her lips quivered and eyes dropped low. Tension enveloped her body and she turned a little to her right side.

Her eyes wanted to cry her heart out, scream whatever she kept inside the safe vaults no one else had access to, cross all barriers, seek refuge in him, crash her waves on his shore and tell him what she had to go through. She wanted to cry and cry away all what had been building up since years. She wanted him to take her carefully into his warm embrace and let her feel what security felt like.

She wanted him to let her cry once and for all, caress her hair and keep checking if she still had tears in her eyes or if her nose was too runny or if she needed constant support of his arms around her shaking body to scratch that misery and its memories away.

She wanted to tell him that how does it feel like when the word home does not feel like home.

"Merjan?" He looked at her considerately and she lifted her eyes to meet his worried gaze for a moment and a tear battled in her dried eyes.

"Are you comfortable with me talking for a while to you?" His voice was affirming as he passed to her a coffee mug.

Sniffing, she said a subtle 'yeah' and held the hot mug from the bottom. Little did he know what was that!

"Okay," he nodded and she caught a glance of the side of his face adorned by thick stubble and she could not see anymore.

"So Merjan, how are you?" He was now looking at her with a soft smile, his palms resting firm on the railing. Her eyes wandered on his fingers and she smiled palely, "I have never been fine."

His eyes searched for something in the air and without looking at her he said, "What would make you feel better?"

The coffee steam was now hitting her cheek when she looked at him and her eyes ached. Her heart did not know how to react.

"Is going back an option?"

And she went into existential crisis the moment he uttered these words. A painful smile on her face indicated that she apparently had forgotten who she really was. A total of nearly forty one hours after witnessing his presence in her abrupt system and her problems were mitigating. How strange life gets at times!

A few seconds slipped by when he turned a little to her, her eyes were low and face was wet.

"It has hardly been two days that you know me but you can always trust me. Tell me what do you want for yourself; be it living in Karachi or leaving it once and for all and going back to Abbottabad. I am here, that I can tell you." His voice was the same; calm, uncompromising and soothing.

A relaxing smile underneath her lips forced her to part them and her eyes tried searching something into the flashing cityline. It was strange that even the name of Abbottabad was not able to turn off the flooding happiness in her heart.

I am here, that I can tell you.

This is probably the thing with love.

It has hardly been two days that you know me but you can always trust me.

He was waiting for her answer and she only wanted to look at him, gaze at the benign birthmark under his chin and touch it softly, take a step forward and observe closely how the navy blue wrinkles on his shoulder were submerging in the black of 9:23 pm.

It was hard for her to control her frantic heart. She was a minor in his eyes that used to scan legal jargons. It was unusual for her as well. She was an introverted child who always seemed distant.

She was a wallflower.

"Coffee." Her ears echoed and she paused dreaming.

"Thanks." She uttered with difficulty and he looked at her for a couple of moments who was considerately taking the first cold sip.

"In the matter of a few more hours the day will be up. It is always a day after the longest of nights and this is important. Dadi has suggested me to take you to Abbottabad as Asher has disappointed her and me. If I knew the entire fiasco, I would have never let him do this misbehavior with you. I apologize on his behalf." He said as she scratched the tiled floor nonchalantly.

"If you can recall anything — your address —," he paused for a while to judge the expressions on her blank face, "I would drop you there safely. Do not worry for what is next. You are a brave girl and you can move mountains."

She chuckled palely, her face lifeless to death. The blue and green veins under her thin skin were visible and it was clear that she was combating severe pressure.

She was never a brave girl. She was too coward to protect herself. Why was she always a misinterpreter in terms of trusting people?

A tear slipped into the coffee mug and she said lowly, "The death is chasing me and it would be better if I accept the reality and surrender. I never wanted to die but now I cannot help it."

"You have been dodging death since past two years." He confronted her in the same pitch.

"I can never be the same person I used to be two years ago," her voice clogged with tears she hiccuped, "I am tired of running. I am exhausted. I do not find any spirits alive in me. I want to die right now. Did you hear me? Right now!"

Tears were damping her face and dupatta profusely. She was not trying to control her heavy heart at all. He sighed, took a step forward, held the coffee mug free from her fingers and placed it aside. Her entire body was jolting mildly and her breath was uneven. The temperature was also dropping outside and she was standing in the cold without any cover.

His heart ached at her fate. How young she was and how cruel her demons were!

Picking tissues from the table residing in the corner of terrace his mind was just figuring out possibilities. Dadi had told him that she had fallen prey to the lust of a greedy nasty mind and that too in her house filled with guests.

She was just fifteen when she left her house. No one was going to believe her. The culprit was a highly respectable person in the family. Coming to Karachi had its own price. She did not know where she was going to end up. But one thing was certain; she wanted to end herself as soon as possible.

He shrugged his shoulders and sauntered towards her to extend her tissues. She turned slightly and looked away while crying heavily. He looked at tissues and coming a little closer slightly pressed them on her eyelids considerately.

Her eyes squeezed under the tissue and he wiped her face; all too carefully.

It was strange that her heart did not react. It was silent.

"Cry it today. Cry it all." His concerned and assuasive voice had it all that made her regain the composure. She slowly normalized herself and looked away. The damp tissues were in his fingers and they were looking at the orange street lights, being all silent.

A minute had slipped into the stack of oblivion when Hadeed came almost rushing towards him holding his phone and stopped in his tracks at the sight ahead. He was about to turn when Waleed's voice made him tell him, "Dad is calling you, Bhaijan. It is the third time that he has called you." He said while extending to him the phone and observing the marks of tears on her red face and the way she was shivering slowly.

Waleed nodded and held his phone while his eyes remained serious and stern. She was turning to leave when she sneezed and he said abruptly, "Go and sleep, Merjan, and cover yourself with something. You have caught a cold." 

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