never not | Shawn Mendes

ii

-shawn-

"Did you do Mr. Benson's assignment?" Claire asked me while taking her biology binder out of her backpack and placing it on her desk.

My hand was hurting from doodling on my notebook. I was drawing a small house, very detailed for no reason at all. It was a house with a yard, a mail box and some plants.

I glanced at Claire and nodded. "Yeah, yeah I finished it during first period." I said losing interest in my drawing and closing my notebook.

She didn't say anything else besides look at my now closed notebook and then back at me, she turned around getting ready for our class.

Claire is my best friend. I met her throughout a friend in sophomore year in art class, she is the most outstanding and creative person I have ever met, exactly the opposite of me.

She had red hair naturally but last summer she dyed it blonde, she said it matched with her brown eyes. She is tall, really tall actually. Claire had a real hard life that she didn't deserve, a closeted lesbian in a very religious family. She came out to me me two years ago and made me swear on my life that I would not tell a single soul. And of course I gave her my word.

"Shawn?." I startled out from my thoughts and looked up to see my teacher in front of my desk. "Shawn you look pale, do you want to go to the nurse's office?" I was feeling really hot, but not because I was feeling sick. Everyone's eyes were on me and that make me want to vomit.

"No, no I'm fine." I said making her go away and continuing with the class.

As the time went through I continued to zone out during my classes and getting called out for my abstract absence. I really wanted to go home and end today's day already, I didn't feel like myself, I felt like my soul left my body and went on vacations.

"Shawn?" Claire called while waving her hand in my head. I turned my head to look at her and realize we were at lunch. "Dude you are out of this world today, literally." She took a bite of her sandwich that looked like one of those disgusting vegan meals she takes to appear like she's healthy. "Did you take your medicine? you know... antidepressant?" I was bitting my pinky's nail while looking around the cafeteria taking in everyone's presence in.

"I stopped taking them a while ago, I'm no longer depressed." I bluntly said and she rolled her eyes at me.

"I care about you, you know?" I nodded.

"I'm going home after lunch." Picking up my things and tossing them inside my backpack I stood up from my seat and turn to the exit of the cafeteria."Cover for me will ya?" I shouted receiving two thumbs up from Claire.

After exiting school, I took the long way home to clear my head. Claire was probably right. I should have taken my medicine, maybe my depression isn't gone at all, maybe is coming back, maybe is going to get worse, maybe I'm going to fall back into the dark place I tried so hard to escape and fight over. Maybe I'm overthinking.

I'm already two blocks away from my house. I don't want to go to my house. My dad is probably there.

My dad... I hate him. I hate how he is always happy, how he always sees the good in every situation, how he never gets angry and how he never feels sadness. I'm jealous of my own dad. I don't understand how he is already over my mom's death, he is living his life like nothing happened, he is dating someone new, he is happy.

Me on the other hand didn't handle my mother passing too well like him and my siblings did. I cried every night, I skipped school, I never did homework nor ever left my room, I barely ate. I felt like I didn't deserve to continue to live the happy I used to have after my mom died.

I sighed seeing my house a few feet away from me praying no one was home so I could have some time for myself.

Arriving home, I opened the door calling for my dad or one of my siblings name waiting for a response but no one answered. I smiled to myself and closed the door turning my body to the left and walk to the stairs up to my room.

Once in my room I took a glance around the small area and realizing how messy it was. Ignoring that, I made my way to my bed and flopped on it feeling the smoothness of my sheets on my back.

Just as I was about to close my eyes to take a nap I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket.

claire bot
dude shawn
theres a new girl at school
she goes to my geography class
shes hot
omg u MUST to see her
ur loss
ill keep u updated w this text me bacc asap!!!!

I laughed at her enthusiasm and decided to reply back with a small smirk on my face.

snatch a picture for me

claire bot

nooooo
someone sent me her instagram go check her outtt
i feel like ud like her
but she looks like she like vjays like me ya know

haha whats her ig

@chxrlotte

That afternoon I couldn't stop thinking about the her.

-authors note-

hi! omg i really dont know who the girl is but thats how i imagined her to be mdndns and yeah love that:)