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Liked by niallhoran, perrieedwards, selenagomez and 1,926,138 others
@sheaxcarr Today, Aves talked me into letting her photographing me again. She had a fair point when she said that this is her passion and she couldn't accomplish it properly for the past months because I was not feeling good enough to be photographed. She remembered me that I am also not able to perform my passion for a very long time now and I exactly know the feeling. I didn't concern that she might feel the same as me. I felt guilty and bad and as I was looking into her eyes, I knew I have to be strong for her. She had my back for my entire life now but in the last months better than ever and I finally wanted to give back and not just take. So I let her photographing me all day today. I was so insecure at the beginning as never before and it was all because of that damn (I'm sorry, but this time it is needed) surgeries on my knee. I felt awkward, huge since I didn't do any sports and uncomfortable in my body but I didn't let this fear take over me because I let it too often recently and because of my best friend. Because I wanted her to be happy and excited over her work again. And believe it or not, slowly but surely I achieved to feel myself comfortable in my body. It was unreal for me too because in the morning I felt truly horrible and by the end of the day when we took few sunset pictures I felt nothing but pure happiness. And it was all because of my best friend, my other half, my soul sister. I don't even know what would I do without you Aves. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! I love you so dearly. 💙
And because I realised that I haven't told you what's gotten into me these last months I decided to write it finally down because I want to help every one of you who suffers/suffered from depression. I still have depression even if I felt better the last couple of days, I believe it is a long recovery. It has developed since the accident and on my birthday when Niall surprised me with So Long, the monster won against me. It was too much at one time: my knee, not being able to work out, Niall being far away and singing that beautiful song and me watching him performing over facetime hit me really hard and I had a mental breakdown. That's why he hurried home because I was at the hospital again. And no matter how much I wanted to be okay and wanted to be strong I couldn't hold my emotions back anymore. Now I know it was unspeakably stupid to oppress my feelings and not talking about it. But I know now that no matter what happens, key is communicating. We need to communicate with each other in order to feel like human beings. We need to care but most importantly, we need to feel. And if you ever feel like you hold everything back, just let it go. Believe me it will be better. Everything will be better. Just take care of yourself. I do that now. 💙
50,002 comments —
sheaxcarr 📸 @avesxmill
avesxmill I love you endlessly baby S💙💙💙
SHEALLUPDATES I have never thought that it was so serious in turn I was really worried about you. You once again proved how incredible strong you are and I am fucking (sorry it is needed!) proud of you. Wow I love you so much.
shawnmendes I can't describe how proud I am of you. Love you millions💙
m.rington so proud of you sissy. Love you!!💙
horan93' my beautiful, brave and strong Shea. I can't find words. Your braveness and trust sharing this with us is a thing that I'll admire in you forever. Effing proud of you.💙
leda.nguyen strongest little kangaroo😊 I have so much respect for you Shea💙
ohmantomlinson wow I have no words. I just fucking love you
heyhostyles thank you so much for sharing this with us Shea. So proud of you💙
juliamichaels so inspiring!!🙏🏼 you are stronger than you believe little kangaroo !
mylittlepayno I can't imagine what you and Niall have felt so far away from each other.😔 I'm so glad you're on the best ways of recovery💙
niallhoran never felt more proud. i love you😊💙
camila_cabello LOVE YOU SO MUCH
lottietomlinson we got you Shea💙💙💙
cutenialler I'd have a mental breakdown too if Niall sang So Long for me. | | sheaxshawn this is not funny
••• Huuuh the secret is finally out!! Happy and funny chapters, shall we????😜 and if you ever feel down, my dm's are open for you. And remember: just hold on💙
