The Desert

Day 1

I found myself in a desert. It was a desert just like the desert you would see in the movies; there were sand dunes everywhere as far as I could see and not a single sign of life anywhere. 

I started walking hoping to find something; Maybe a cave  I can rest, an oasis,  or any civilization. I walked what seem to be hours. And finally, I saw something other than the desert. I walked toward it speeding up as I got closer and I ended up running in the end.  

I reached a large beach area with a large body of water.  I went to go see if I would be able to drink the water but I heard a voice stopping me: " Don't drink it! it is sea water. You will kill yourself!"  

I turned around and saw an old man sitting on the beach.  He looked to be about mid-'60s. He told me: "I 'm sorry are your here to die too? then you go ahead and do what you will." 

I asked him what he was waiting for and then he responded: "There is a big storm coming our way, I want to ride it to my death. Might as well go with a bang!" 

I was curious about why he wanted to die. Before I came around to ask him, he said: "I bet you're wondering why I want to die, so why don't I tell you?" 

I said I would love to hear it and he continued: "I lived a bittersweet life: I fell in love and married my high school sweetheart, I had two boys and I owed a repair shop that made good income and I did not need anything else in life. But my dream life would not continue:  my wife came down with breast cancer and despite all my effort, she died shortly after that. My two boys were still so young; the eldest was in Middle school and my youngest son was still in elementary. I had no idea how I would raise them. But I did my best to do it on my own. It was so difficult learning how to cook, clean and doing house chores. My boys tried to help but they were too young so I took in all on myself so they can be kids. In time they did grow up: My elder child went ahead and graduated from a good college up in the eastside and formed a family of his own and my younger son went to the military and got a scholarship as a veteran to graduate and find a good workplace and formed a family of his own." 

Then he sighed and said: "But in the end, I was all by myself. My boys are too busy taking care of their own selves that they hardly have time for me anymore. I really miss my wife and often I would hold on to her picture and cry. My wife in the picture was still so pretty but now I'm just a wrinkly old man"

"So I came here to die. My boys are well off without me. No one needs me and frankly, I don't even think anyone will miss me when I'm gone."

I noticed that the sky was getting dark and the old man yelled: "There it is! There is the storm I was looking for!" Then he started laughing hysterically. I looked up and saw something that looked like a giant tornado in the sea. 

The old man turned around and told me" It was nice meeting you Youngman, my ride is here!" Then he started running toward to sea. Then I realized, that was my father who was running. I ran and followed him and as I was yelling toward him: " Dad don't go!" I woke up from my dream. 

From that dream, I realized what a horrible son I have been: My mother died when I was still young, My dad has supported both us brothers all by himself until we became adults. Several years ago he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We could not care for him so we put him in a nursing home. He did get progressively worse. He started to forget birthdays, his wallet, cellphone, and ECT then he would not recognize my children and his friends. Finally, He did not recognize me. From then on I would start to visit him less and less frequently. When I did visit him last time he would just ignore me and look elsewhere and treat me like a stranger. That made me very sad about the whole situation made me avoid the place where my dad was.

I could not ignore the dream I had last night so work, I went to where my dad was being cared for. He still did not recognize me. As he always has been doing; he would look toward the window and would say "Hey Becky, It is a beautiful day, why don't we go with the boys and have a picnic?" No one would pay attention to him. I asked the nurses and they said my dad went on like every other day. 

This time I stood by him as I did eventually, he went to sleep on his bed. As I sat near where he lay, tears ran from my eyes. And I said to him: "I'm sorry dad, I've been a bad son. Even though you don't recognize me anymore but I'm still your son. I'm sorry I've abandoned you." 

As I cried, I felt a hand touching my head. When I looked up it was my dad looking at me and said: "what is the matter, my boy."  I was startled. He has not looked at me like that in years. I asked him: "Hey dad, do you recognize me?" and he answered: "Yes you are my son Joseph!" 

Then I hugged him and sobbed in his arms. 

After a while, he went back to where he was and he again treated me like a stranger. 

After an emotional day, I arrived at an empty apartment I call home. I really missed my wife and kids so I called her up and spoke to them, trying to sound cheerful so they would not worry,  then I proceeded to have some dinner. 

I watched some late-night TV shows on the couch and there I fell asleep.