insecurities...

[3] "that's debatable..."

                                   Carter

Another frat party, what are the odds of me going to two in the same year, probably higher then lasts year. But am here, and as usual, meaning the other time I was here I was looking for someone, and here I am looking for someone again. This time thou it's not girl and it's not a guy, well not one that am involved with anyway, he's my roommate and he has our dorm key. I accidentally lost mine at my parents house where we had a disagreement and I stormed out, got into my car and drove off. I only realized my stupidity when I got to my dorm room and no keys in my jacket pocket, and firstly no jacket, I had left it in the coat closet back "home". I purposefully put quotations on home even if its in my head cause it hasn't been home in a very very long time.

I've been here for almost fifteen minutes and am actually enjoying myself, my roommates friends are dorks but they keep me entertained. The beer starts tasting better after a few cups, and the music well no party is perfect. "it's as if they just took a Calvin Harris album and put in on repeat" I slur to the group. Yeah I guess am a little tipsy, scratch that a lot, and it's seems our little group isn't so little any more. About ten more people have joined our group of originally four people. "Definitely, his a legend" says this boy enthusiastically that looks as if he should still be in high school. "That's debatable" I sarcastically remark, I would have rolled my eyes for the added effect, when I noticed him.

I didn't even see him there a few seconds ago, I had been purposely avoiding him, he seems so care free from a distance, so chilled out. He's arm is around a girl, she's pretty at least not the usual frat party chick. So it must be serious, they look so good together, I pull my eyes away from them because I can't get invested. His straight, and from what I've heard about him quite the player, as well as being Mr popular and an all round nice guy. He would probably be your stereotypical American boy. As I turn my attention back to the group in front of me, it's seems the discussion has escalated to who is the better DJ, Calvin Harris or some David guy, I immediately lose interest. I decided to low key stare at him and his girlfriend, tonight he's not wearing his blazer thou, or those tight fitting running shorts he wore at Starbucks, I kept biting my lip so hard so I wouldn't stare at his firm checks and am talking about both of them, that day in the cafe.

As I turn to look back at him his smooching that bitch, well his girlfriend, or I think it is. I get up and head to the bathroom so quickly everyone in the group sitting next to me just stare. I don't really give two fucks about any of them so I keep going, as I turn the corner and get into the bathroom, everything I ate in the  past six hours gets emptied out. I stay on my knees while my hands are on the toilet lid debating if I should just go or stay, i don't know why, but just seeing him kiss her literally made me physically sick, and probably also because I don't usually drink. As I get up off the tiled bathroom floor I realize am way more drunk then I originally thought, so no driving tonight, I need a plan B.

I open the door and there he is Mr popular standing right there. Always the knight in shining armor, why is he here, why, what the fuck did I every do to the universe, i must have sworn under my breath cause he tilts his head at he, and smiles. Shit he smiles and it shows those dimples on his face, those perfect teeth and those lips, those damn lips. "You cool ?" he asks, i really don't know what happened next, what the fuck came over me, whether it was the alcohol, or his tilted head, dimpled question, but I kissed him.