Sincerely Yours (Sēo Epistolē)

The sudden

Sunday, March 2019

3:00 am
My morning is bright and colorful. A new life, to begin with, thanks to the Lord.
I was preparing para sa exam ko later, na assign ako sa bandang SM North at kailangan kong makarating ng 7:00 am. I need to awake early as possible, mahirap na malate at maabutan ng traffic sa daan.

4:30 am
I'm with my father, hinatid nya ko hanggang sakayan. Though gusto ko na lang sana sa malapit para makatulog na si papa but i don't know bakit hindi ko magawa.

4:50 am
We are in the middle of the road and currently praying para sa exam ko later. I don't know kung bakit habang nagdadasal ay naiiyak ako. Maybe because naooverwhelmed ako. Maybe, maybe!

5:10 am
We are here yey! Sinamahan ako ni papa sa sakayan hanggang makarating yung kasama ko. Gusto ko na talaga syang pauwiin para makatulog pero ayaw nya. Hindi na rin naman daw sya makakatulog and he wants na samahan ako. So sweet! We spend our time sa pagku-kwentuhan and pagtatawanan. He shared to me the rubber shoes that he wants to buy and also the scratch of his motor. I'm glad to see my father's smile, it warms my heart.

5:35 am
My father is not a fan of so called "filipino time". He definitely hate it so he wants me to leave my friend at mauna na, baka daw malate ako. Pinapagalitan pa ko, but while he is doing that nakikita ko yung tawa nya sakin. I know nagbibiro lang sya. Pinapauwi ko na sya kasi ang kulit nya pero ayaw nya pa rin. Natatawa na lang ako sa kakulitan ni papa.

5:40 am
I decided na mauna na so that makauwi na si papa and makapagpahinga. After i kissed my father and say goodbye, sumakay na ako. And as i sit to the chair inside of the bus i saw him outside the window with his motor, pauwi na sya.

6:10 am
I saw the rising sun. It's so beautiful.

6:40 am
I arrived at my designated exam location. It's still early but hey! Mas ok na ito kaysa malate. I immediately contact my family na nakarating na ko, safe and complete. My father replied, "Nandyan na rin ba yung kasama mo?" I wasn't able to reply on his message dahil kinakabahan na ako.

7:00 am
I entered the room kung saan ako nakaassign. 'Kaba bente', kung baga, ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

8:00 am
Nagsimula na ang exam and I wasn't able to hold my phone 'cause we are not allowed to use it. We need to concentrate and focus on this exam.

10:00 am
I've got this uneasy feeling. I don't feel comfortable at all. My mind is telling me to finish this test immediately, I don't know why.

10:50 am
I finish my test right away. After ko maipasa yung paper ko, lumabas na ako and I'm still thinking kung kakain ba ako or uuwi na lang. But as my friend contacted me and telling me na kain muna, i said yes. Nakakadrain ang exam, na tuyo ang cute little brain ko.

11:30 am
We choose to eat at Mcdo, my all time favorite. I constantly check my phone pero kahit isang chat wala. Boring ng social media life ko. And owlala, may wifi sila hahaha...

12:00 pm
Ubos, simo't ang pabaon ni mudrakels sa akin. Nakikain lang talaga ako sa Mcdo, yung friend ko ang nagorder ng food nya. Tipid-tipid din. I check my phone again, still no chat. Opps! I need to register it again pala hohoho. As I connect my phone to wifi, habang nagl-lag ang phone, all messages from my phone pop out one by one. And the first thing i saw is "Si papa kasi."

12:01 pm
ding "Anong nangyari?"

12:02 pm
ding "Wala na po si papa"

12:03 pm
ding "Nasaan kayo ngayon?"
ding "Hospital po, kasama ko po si mama"

12:04 pm
ding "Bakit biglaan naman?"
ding "Nagcollapse daw po si papa, tinakbo po sa hospital ng mga kasama nya pero dead on arrival daw."

12:10 pm
At this moment wala na akong maintindihan. My friend is asking me kung ano ang nangyari but i can't speak. My heart is beating fast, my body is shakenning, my vision is fading and i am experiencing mental block. Ang mga katagang "Wala na si papa." lamang ang pumapasok sa isip ko pero hindi tinatanggap ng puso ko. Anong nangyayari? Bakit? Bakit?

I'm hoping that someone will wake me up from this nightmare.

Please!
Please!

I'm feeling numb right now.

Help me, please!