Unexpected Turn of Events

Fighting Through Together

         Growing up, I remember my dad telling about trusting God through everything, and that everything that happens to us is for a reason. All the pain, for a reason. All the happiness, for a reason. All the scars, for a reason. All the anger and frustration, for a reason. All the celebration, for a reason. All the confidence, for a reason. As I'm driving down to meet Chris at Sony, I am reminded of all the lessons my dad tried to teach me about growing through the pain and trials of life. I have a tattoo that says, '1 Peter 5:10' on my wrist, which says, "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, and firm and steadfast". It was a verse my dad always referenced to whenever we were having problems financially or emotionally in the family. I've never been much of a church going girl, but I did find peace in this verse. Yet, lately, I can't seem to connect with it and find comfort like before.

I turned on the radio at a red light to hear a beautiful tune coming through. It was relaxing, which is just what I needed. Chris and I didn't even set up an appointment with Mr. Watson. We just, kind of planned to walk in. Was it the best plan? Probably not. But, it was unexpected, sure to throw him off guard a bit. That in it of its self is what we intended to do. Blindside him in a way like he did us.

But why did we have to go through this? Haven't I gone through enough in the last 4 years? Haven't I fought enough? There has not been a single moment of "Yes. This, right here, everything is right." Since I first came back to America. I've been longing and seeking that for a couple of years now, and I feel drained. All I ever wanted was to begin to build my life with the love of my life. Go to college and learn everything I can about marketing in the music industry. How did I get here?I feel almost...empty.

I'm thankful for the scars, because without them I wouldn't know Your heart. What? And I'm not who I was before. No, I don't have to fear anymore. What does that even mean? The hell, are there tears running down my face? I'm not even crying.I can see, I can see, how You delivered me. In Your hands, in Your feet, I find my victory.Though I don't know the context of this song, something is just overwhelming my soul. I can't quite tell what it is. Am I overwhelmed with pain? Sadness? Relief? Revelation? Anguish? Tears just kept running down my face without my knowledge of it happening, and before I knew it, I found myself outside Sony seeing Chris there in the front waiting for me. This is a conversation to have later with myself over some wine. I thought to myself.

Trying to wipe my face from the wetness that covered it, I walked up to Chris asking him if he was ready to go inside. "Yeah...are you though? You look like you've been crying. Is everything okay mi Moon?" He asked.

"Everything is okay" I said lying slightly. "I'm just nervous is all. I cry whenever I get nervous, remember?"

"I do, especially the time you were nervous about your quinceanera the morning of" He said laughing. "But, that was the first day of the rest of our lives".

Flashback:

I can't do this. I'm ugly, fat, awkward, an overall mess. I mean, just looking in this mirror, I feel like breaking down. All eyes are going to be on me in just 3 hours. They are all obviously going to see the things that I'm seeing right now. Without realizing, I started screaming and crying. Tears were streaming down my face, ruining the little makeup I had started to do. How can I go out there KNOWING I look like this? I can't do it, I won't do it.

Just then I heard a knock on my door and opening it before I had the chance to respond. It was Christopher. He looked concerned, but didn't rush to me side, even though anyone else who saw this sight would have out of panic. "So, now that you've let that out, do you want to tell what has brought this on Moon?"