I'll Always Be There For You - A Peraltiago Story

Chapter 12 - Not Knowing Is Killing Me

Hey,

So I'm trying to upload as fast as I can cause I have left it so long between some of the last chapters. But anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 12 - Not Knowing is Killing Me
Amy's POV

I woke up the next morning and rolled over in bed. It still felt weird waking up to a half empty bed. I sat up in bed and checked my phone. I had no new messages. I sighed and then realised. I was going to the doctor's today. I was going to see my baby. Our baby. I wished Jake could come with me, but I knew it was much safer for him not to be here.

I got myself ready for the day, excited by the prospect of having the day off. I was dreading the doctors appointment, but a small part of me was also looking forward to it. Deep down, I knew there was a chance something could be wrong, but I was praying and hoping everything would be ok. Jake and I wanted nothing more than to have a family. At first he was a bit unsure, but once we discussed the idea, Jake realised that his nervousness only showed he cared about being a good dad. I knew he would be, but I could understand why he was worried. He didn't have a proper dad growing up, so he didn't know what a dad should be like. But we would get through this. Together.

I drove myself to the doctors and arrived 10 minutes before my appointment time. I parked up and sat in the car for a few moments. Truth be told, I was terrified. I wondered if I could actually go through with this. What if something was wrong? But then what if everything was ok? Not knowing was killing me. Not knowing if the baby was ok, if it would be ok. If Jake was coping wherever he is, if he would ever come home. I took a few moments to calm myself down before stepping out the car. I needed to answer at least one of those questions or my head might explode. And that's what I was going to do. I'd find out if my baby was ok. If so, then I don't need to worry, and if not, I'll deal with it when and how I needed to.

I had a short wait in the doctors surgery before being called through. "Hi Mrs Peralta," Jess, my previous doctor, said as I walked into her office.

"Hi," I said, taking a seat at her desk.

"So, how are you?" Jess asked, probably sensing I was a little nervous.

"I'm good. Just a bit nervous. I'm worried the baby's not ok," I said honestly and Jess nodded.

"That's to be expected, but why don't we have a look now?" Jess said and I nodded.

I lay down on the bed and lifted my top up a little. Jess put the gel on my stomach and I winced at the cool temperature.

"Remember to breathe, Amy. Everything's going to be ok," Jess said, whilst positioning the doppler. I was confused, but then realised I had been holding my breath.

The wait seemed endless. It felt like it was going on forever, like I'd never know how my baby was going to be OK. Eventually, Jess spoke.

"Well, Amy. Everything looks really good. You're around 7 weeks pregnant now," she said and my heart nearly stopped.

"7 weeks?" I questioned, very surprised I hadn't noticed before.

"Yep. Baby's looking really good. Do you want to see?" She asked and I nodded.

Jess turned the screen around and I gasped. The screen was mostly grey, but in the middle there was a black oval. Inside that oval was a tiny shape of a baby. That was my baby. Our baby. And our baby was ok. I was 6 weeks pregnant when we lost peanut, so I'm relieved to know that I made it past 6 weeks.

"How did I not know I was pregnant before now?" I asked and Jess sighed.

"Sometimes people don't find out until later on. There are some people that don't find out until they are in labour. But the main thing is we know now and we are going to be keeping a close eye on you and baby just to make sure everything stays ok. I'll print you off some pictures, and then you'll be good to go," Jess said and I smiled.

I got myself cleaned up and waited for Jess to return with the pictures.

"Congratulations, by the way. I'm sure Jake will be over the moon when you tell him," Jess said and I smiled weakly, remembering the fact that I couldn't share this moment with him.

"He's away on a work assignment at the moment, I'm not sure when he'll get back, but hopefully it won't be too much longer," I said. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone Jake was in witness protection, so this is what I was telling people when they asked. It gave me hope, at least, that he would be back soon. I got my pictures and headed back out to my car, one hand rested on my healthy baby.

Jake's POV

15 days. I had been away from Amy for 15 days. I knew I had to try and make this as normal as I could, but I was struggling a bit. It was hard to 'find a new life' when my real life, the life that I want, is still carrying on, but without me. I had a job, but it wasn't like working at the NYPD. I missed work, I missed my friends, but most importantly, I missed Amy. It was so much harder now we were married and I didn't have Holt around to keep me going. I was worried about her. I knew the squad would look out for her, but I still worried. And I missed her like crazy. The way she would smile and shake her head every time I would do something childish, the way she slept on my chest while we were curled up on the sofa, the way her hand would always reach for mine in the car. Just her being here, with me.

I wondered how long it would be before I could be back with her. I knew the squad were working as hard as they could to catch Scott, but I feared I could be here for a while. I wanted more than anything to be working the case as well, but I knew that could put everyone in more danger. I knew it wouldn't be long before I saw Amy again, I just had to keep going for the next couple of months until everything is safe again. Then Amy and I could be a real family. 

Before peanut, I was terrified of being a dad. I knew Amy wanted kids, but I was wary. I just wanted to be a good dad. I wanted Amy to be proud, and I wanted to be someone our kids could look up to. Amy reassured me that I would be OK, but I didn't quite believe her. Then when she was pregnant with peanut, something inside me just snapped. I became the dad I had always wanted. I constantly wanted to be looking after Amy, and all I could think about on a daily basis was peanut. Even after the miscarriage. Peanut was, and still is, on my mind. As is Amy. Since the miscarriage, I'd been worried about her. But once we started trying for a baby again, I saw a change in her. She was hopeful. Me being gone will have set us back a few months in terms of trying for a baby, but the thought of having a family with Amy will keep me going. I can do it, I can get through this. For Amy, and for our family.

Hey everyone,

So I know it's been a long time since I last updated, but I wanted this chapter to be what I imagined it to be so it took a while longer. I really hope you enjoyed it though.

Please vote and comment!

Thanks,

Erin