Forced to Smile

Just A Habit

I pick up my pencil and grip it 3 times, hard. And then I hit myself, hard. Stares hit me from all around the room. I stare down at my desk, trying not to meet the eye of anyone. As the bell rings, I hurry out of the classroom, thought bubbles swarming in my head like bees. I finally find a place that I can just... breathe. As the minutes go by, I can feel my sanity coming back to me. Stop obsessing, I tell myself. It's just a silly habit. You can't go around life on strings, connecting you to the number 3. I stop myself right as I'm about to stand up. Just a silly habit. As I stand up, I can feel a flush of worry come over me. I check the time. 12:34. I guess I missed lunch. But that's okay, I'm not hungry.
The minute I walk into my house, I begin to feel uneasy. "I think I'm going to be sick." I say, rushing to a nearby bathroom. My mother was in the kitchen preparing dinner. When I walk in, I still can't seem to get that sick feeling out of me. "Hi hun, how was your day?" My mother asks, looking up from her chopped celery. As much as I want to say: horrible, my whole class was staring while I obsessed over a habit I've had since forever. As much as I wanted to say that, I hear myself squeak out, "Great!"
"You don't look too good." Mom says, feeling my forehead with the back of her palm. "You feel warm. Here, take your temperature." She hands me the thermometer and I hope for the worst. School couldn't get any more stressful. Between homework and sitting by the bathroom because I'm never hungry, I could use a day or two off. Just then my little sister Annie comes trotting up behind me and tugs on my shirt. I take out the thermometer and hand it to my mother. "What?" I ask turning around. When I do, I see Annie covered in MY makeup. And I mean covered. "What did I tell you about using my makeup or even going into my room?" I ask, staring her dead in the eye. She stays silent. "Go wash it off." She starts to whine as I turn back around to see my mother writing a note for school. "I guess in staying home?" I ask, trying not to make my eyes look hopeful.
"Yes, 100.6." She says. I start to go down the hall to my room when my mother yells, "I'm taking you to the doctor's tomorrow, be ready by 10!"
When I get to my room, I see my makeup table all jumbled up. "I'll clean it tomorrow." I say to myself, laying down in my bed realizing that I didn't eat dinner. But that's okay, I wasn't hungry. The sick feeling is still in my stomach. My mind begins to clear and the usual thoughts come to my head.
In the morning, I roll out of bed and quickly get dressed. It was already 9:40. "Jessica, hurry we're going to be late!" My mom yelled from the banister. "Ok, I'm coming!" I day, rushing to get my shoes on. As I'm strapping on my seatbelt, I feel my stomach grumble. "Mom, can we stop somewhere and get breakfast?" I ask as we pull out of the driveway. "Sorry Jess, we have to get to your appointment." She replies. The sick feeling comes back to me. "Okay, that's fine." I watch the world blur by as we drive to the doctor's office.