His Dark Words

15 | Some Like it Hot

And so, we don't talk about the book. And I don't ask questions or pretend to be anything other than a teenage girl caught up in the fairy-tale fantasy of it all. Austin said he wanted to get to know the real me, but it's almost as if I put her away the moment he picked me out of high school obscurity. 

Harlow Riley's life didn't match up with Austin's Loew's. And so, I cast it aside. The worst part of it is that I don't even feel guilty about it... I make sure I'm out when my mom is home, and I push my dad to the back of my mind. The uploaded home movies stay untouched on my laptop and all my ideas seem to fizzle out before I've even fully thought them through. When Grandma Martha texts me, telling me they're coming to town I say something vague about exams and Prom: excusing myself out of seeing them.

The note I had surreptitiously shoved into Alex's locker goes unanswered so I guess he decided that he either 'doesn't give a damn' or simply 'wants to be alone'... Alone of course nowadays includes a lot of time with Macie Myers. They can be found most days sucking each other's faces off in almost the exact center of the quad. Which is weird because I never thought of Alex as being the kind of guy that would go in for PDA. But I'm beginning to wonder if we really know each other all that well anyway. That's another thing I push to the back of my mind. Why should I obsess over the people who clearly don't want me around anyway?

I try to adopt Austin's brilliant, lazy ease with which he wades through life. He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend or anything, but we're going to Prom together and every time he sees me, he drapes his arm around my shoulders and pulls me in to his side. His chest is warm, and he looks down at me with his eyes hooded and that deliciously maddening half-smile. If he can forget all the panic attacks and pain and smile at me like that, then surely I can forget my problems, lean into his side and be the girl who got the guy? 

What after all is so wrong with being happy?

The sort of exciting but kind of irritating thing about Austin is that he really doesn't seem to care about normal things. I guess it adds to the bubble of being around him. I never see him study and he will just show up at my house and expect me to drop everything and come with him to the cinema or just drive. The first few times it was exhilarating, I've never been the kind of girl to sneak out of the house or even lie to my mom, so it's all new... Until it isn't. 

The third or fourth time he shows up and just wants to go to the movies I really have to push the old Harlow Riley down hard. Harlow Riley would've said no and lectured him about the importance of studying, the stupidity of staying out late on school nights, the need to keep up one's GPA and ultimately was it really worth seeing Rebel Wilson get hit by something and fall over in every film she's in?

But the cool Harlow Riley, the junior going to Senior Prom with the hottest guy in school grabs her jacket and slips into the passenger seat of his Mercedes, because... Why not? He leans over me, centimeters away from my lips, his hazel-green eyes looking so deep into mine that I catch my breath and start to feel lightheaded. He reaches over me, grabs the seat belt and fastens it, as if that was all he had meant to do. I take deep breaths as quietly as possible so as not to show him how affected I am but honestly, I know he sees it. 

Boys like him always know exactly what they're doing. 

He parks by the curb outside the movie theatre and drapes himself around me, directing me over to the entrance. The place has floors even stickier than Carlo's and reeks of stale popcorn but it's the only cinema in town and kind of charming in its own run-down, gloomy way.

Austin gets us tickets and I'm in line for the concession stand when I hear an awkward cough behind me.

"Hey... Harlow, how's it going?"