His Dark Words

25 | Everything You Ever Said

I take a deep breath, closing my eyes.

"Harlow, what is it? Are you alright?" Vanessa's voice sounds distant.

"Harlow, come on, we have to go."

My mom's voice snaps me out of it. I lock eyes with her, steady and determined.

"Mom. I know what we agreed. I know I said I'd go to Florida and I will, but we have to do something first."

She takes in her own deep breath, eyes turning stony. "Harlow. I've paid for the ticket, you're getting on that plane."

"That book you took from me, did you read any of it?" I ask, trying to keep calm and reasonable.

"Harlow..."

"Did you read it?"

"Yes! I looked at a few pages before throwing it away. It was very sad. I can see why you wanted to find the author..."

"It's Alex."

"What?" Vanessa interjected. "How do you know that?"

"The book talks about his grandfather. I had no idea it was Alex. He never talks about his life, he never mentions his parents or anything at home... I never realized that until now... But I understand. It's his book. He's been suffering alone all this time and I have to find him, say something, I can't leave it the way we did... Not knowing the words he wrote."

My mom stares out of the windshield. Her lips are held in a firm line.

"I promise you Mom, if you let me find him before I go, I will go to Florida and stay there as long as you want. I'll get a summer job and pay you back for both tickets, I swear."

"It's not that..." She shudders as if the June day suddenly ran cold around us. "It's... Well, I know you think I was heartless... With your father... But I did try to help him for such a long time. He didn't want to get better, Harlow... Or maybe he just couldn't accept the help, I don't know. All I know is that I didn't want that life for you. I didn't want you to be always trying to fix something that you were incapable of putting back together." Her eyes are full of tears.

"I know Mom... I know you tried. I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I know it's far more complicated than that. And I know that if you had to do it over, you'd still try... Wouldn't you?"

She pauses for a moment then nods. "Of course... Of course, I would, I'd always try... Always." She whispers.

"Then you understand why I have to try now." I ball up my fists and set my jaw.

With hesitant fingers she pulls out a crumpled scrap of paper from her jacket pocket and hands it to me.

I unfurl it... It's my letter to the Book-Boy... The one I never sent.

She's looking at me with her old, fierce expression. She turns the key in the ignition. "Get in."

"What?"

"I love that crazy-haired kid too. I'm not letting you do this alone!" Mom replies.

Vanessa quickly jumps in the backseat and belts up. "Let's go!" she says, muffled by the closed door.

I get in the passenger side next to my mom and she pulls off before I even have a chance to do up my belt.

"Do we have an address?"

"On it!" Vanessa snaps, already on her phone looking through the school's online directory.

She rattles off an address and we hurtle through Stanhope and out west, past all the McMansions, including Vanessa's which is tucked in between two Tudor revival monoliths. We are quite a way out of town when Google Maps directs us down a narrow, private road. It's lined with trees all the way up to two stone pillars marking the start of a long driveway. A plaque on one of the pillars reads, Rosalie Park.