Elle
That day I woke up feeling shitty.
The effect of all the food i'd eaten last night took a toll on my body and I felt groggy and bloated. Besides that the tremendous feeling of guilt would not go away as much as I tried to tell myself that i was never going to let it happen again.
My meet up with Stacey after school was the only thing I was looking forward to. Apparently unbothered by my terrible appearance I threw on some jeans and a black T-shirt, i stared at my reflexion feeling helpless, I really didn't want to do my makeup but i knew I would regret it later when my confidence would sink to a new low. I did my eyebrows and mascara feeling slightly better and started listening to music to enhance my seemingly good mood.
"Morning" yelled my mum as I rushed to the front door hoping no one would see me.
"Hey" I countered wondering if she remembered what happened last night.
"Mark and I are going out for dinner tonight so we won't be back before midnight I should think" she told me never looking away from the breakfast she was making.
She didn't remember.
"Alright"
"Help yourself to food, we have some ready made macaroni"
Still no eye contact.
"Okay"
"Have a good day at school!"
"Yeah"
With that I finally left feeling deflated, of course I wouldn't be invited to this dinner, she never wanted to spend time with me anymore. Not that I would want to go anyway I argued with myself. I didn't care.
The school day went quickly with no drama that involved me, I walked out with Harry one of my friends, he made me laugh. He was one of those people who didn't seem to have a care in the world, his brown hair fell in front of his face and his chestnut eyes sparkled. He walked with all the confidence in the world as if nothing could faze him. I liked that about him.
"Are you coming out with me and Stace later ?"
I chuckled at his eager expression.
"Yeah, Dyou know where we're going ?"
"Park probably"
I nodded. The spring sun shone down on us and I felt a sense of serenity when out of nowhere someone pummelled into me tackling me into a hug, of course it was Stacey. I laughed as we both fell to the ground, what an idiot. Harry stared at us with an amused expression and helped us up, we made our way to the park chatting about everything and nothing. It was times like this when I thought everything could be okay. I then felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, from the ringtone I knew it was him.
Hey. How you doing Elle ?
He was everything to me. Even though I'd been gone for months he didn't seem to forget I existed. I missed him.
Jay and I had known each other forever. We were friends throughout primary and secondary and finally starting dating in summer just before I announced that I would be leaving. If I'd have known i would be leaving I wouldn't have started anything with him. I wished I hadn't.
I had a sinking feeling in my stomach as my mind wandered to my past.
Breathing became Difficult.
"You okay Elle" it was Stacey
"Yeah" I answered automatically regulating my breathing.
I forced myself to think of something else when Harry pulled out a fag and offered me one, Stacey already had hers between her lips lighting it expertly. Usually i would have refused but I felt inclined to try, to try and relieve the sudden anger that burst through me.
"Ooo i didn't take you for a smoker Elle" Stacey smirked.
I lit the cigarette imitating Harry and took a drag.
"I'm-cough-not" I tried to speak but the smoke polluted my lungs and I couldn't help but splutter staring at the innocent cigarette in my hand. It stank. I laughed at myself but took another drag hoping for an impact. I began to feel light headed and weak in the knees. It made me laugh even more and suddenly all three of us were laughing on a park bench for no apparent reason. My phone vibrated again.
I miss you. Come see me.
I wish I could.
I miss you too, I will when I can x
"You know you should probably move on" Stacey said blowing smoke into my face. "Harry here would make a good rebound, wouldn't you Harry ?"
Harry stared at me for a moment.
"No I wouldn't."
It was the first time I'd ever seen a flicker of sadness cross his face but he quickly replaced it with a grin and pulled another fag out of the pack.
"Anyway, this weekend party at my house !" Squealed Stacey "I expect both of you there and to bring reinforcements if you know what I mean" she winked at us.
"I'll be there" Harry said eyeing me expectantly I had nothing else to do so I said I'd be there too.
"Great, parents are out of town so I thought I'd make the most of it you know, plus it means you can finally meet some new people" Stacey said aiming this comment at me
"Yeah" i agreed smirking even though I didn't feel the need to meet anybody else.
With that Stacey left with a bounce claiming she had to go meet with her boyfriend. We quickly exchanged goodbyes and she left in a hurry.
Harry and I stayed silent for a few minuets
"You know when I said I wouldn't make a good rebound it wasn't about you right? Like it's not that I don't like you or anything" Harry stated in a rush
I didn't expect this and turned to him confused.
"Urm okay"
"I'm sorry"
It's like all the walls he put up just crumbled when Stacey left and he didn't pretend to be okay, I could see the hurt in his eyes. He stared down at his wrists but quickly averted his eyes back to me.
"Are you okay ?" I asked quietly
"Huh, Yeah. I have to go, see you tomorrow Elle"
He put his hood up and walked away without a second glance and left me alone on the bench in the park. I didn't even try to hide my disappointment. Feeling drained From the day and empty I made my way home passing by the shop that was on the way, I searched my pockets checking I had some money and entered the store looking for food that would fill the void. I grabbed at packets of biscuits and sweets that taunted me on the shelves. The familiar feeling of anticipation came over me and I hurried home after paying for the snacks. I knew I was going to regret it but I didn't care. I didn't care.
