STRANGER. － c.bm + k.dh

── [１５] ──

Bomin wondered if there was any meaning to life at all, if there was any reason for his birth and continued existence. The reason he still blinked and breathed, was it for him or was he being chased? Was there a point to enduring everything life threw at him in the hopes of a better future when either way he would die; when he could end it all before even having to suffer?

Some time had passed since that eventful trip in the elevator and, along with being urged into visiting a psychiatrist weekly for the type of help Donghyun couldn't give, the latter had been treating Bomin like the most valuable and prized being on earth, checking in on him when he was too quiet and making him laugh when his mouth began to turn to stone.

Bomin wouldn't say he loved such treatment but he didn't hate it, for his boyfriend somehow knew how to not make him feel like some charity case, a feeble person who constantly needed a crutch. No, Donghyun knew how to make Bomin feel strong and it confused him.

There had certainly been a development of sorts in the younger. He went through some arduous months of numerous breakdowns, shattering like fine china right before Donghyun's eyes at the slightest touch, and the latter would spend hours picking up each piece and putting them together again, no matter how much his fingers bled and his heart ached.

Bomin couldn't comprehend what was going on. Prior to having met Donghyun he hadn't felt in years, let alone cried, but now it had become an almost daily occurrence and he didn't know whether it was good or bad.

Donghyun told him it was a positive sign, that it meant he was letting himself feel again, that eventually the tears will take the pain away with them and he could fill the remaining void within the younger's chest with his love.

Even if sceptical, Bomin trusted him, and gradually his breakdowns grew to be less frequent despite the fact that his heart continued to feel. The change was, however, that it felt contentment. Not the fleeting kind of happiness, the one that everyone chased like starved hyenas, but the kind which burrowed in the depths of his mind and remained there, because acceptance was its foundation.

He accepted that there was no point in living, but he was alive and might as well live the years he had to the end. He accepted that sure, he didn't like himself but Donghyun did and maybe he would one day see in himself what the other saw. He accepted that things were hard, his mind was his worst enemy and it was a constant battle to win against it on the smallest of things, but that that was fine, because he wasn't the only one who had such issues and he didn't have to fight it alone － Donghyun made sure he knew that.

He accepted that there were seperate parts of him which would come together to create his complete self. One half could not be without the other.

That stranger he hated was him, and that man who smiled and enjoyed things was him too.

Another fact Bomin had come to accept was that perhaps he was wrong; that love is only a painkiller, but that doesn't take away the fact that it does indeed help.

Bomin didn't think the pain he endured would ever completely fade, but enveloping Donghyun in his arms, a blanket covering them as they sat on the sitting room floor, just beneath the sofa and the younger's back pressed to his chest, Bomin breathed and felt alive.

The reason he still blinked and woke up every morning was for love.

⇻•×•⇺

Thank you for reading.
I can't bring myself to like this story but i hope you who read this far, can.

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