If Tomorrow Was Today | Short Story

4.

The lights, the music, the dancing, and the people all brought me back to a time where I wasn't so tied down and restricted. It made me think of my college days when I would go partying with my friends and leave out with the man I loved. In his dorm, we would kiss until we could kiss no more and I always slept in his arms until morning came.

But those days were ruined when Neena came but that night wasn't about her. It was about me and only me.

I ordered myself a few drinks that had a bit of alcohol and watched everyone else party. Even though it was freezing outside, people were in there dancing almost naked as they rubbed their bodies against each other. I could just feel the sexual energies within and it was starting to get me worked up as well.

I only wished that I was able to openly be myself during my younger days. I was 27 years old and still in the closet but that night, all that was about to change. If I had the chance to be gay for one night, then I was going to do that. It was my time for me to spread my gay ass wings and fly.

I got up to join in on the dancing, the singing and maybe a little bit of the grinding. I went as far as I could onto the dance floor and started to move my body to the music. I threw my head around, moved my body, screamed at the top of my lungs to the song that played and all of that landed me in the arms of some random guy.

"Careful there, buddy!" He exclaimed.

I was panting. "I'm sorry about that. Dancing a bit too hard."

He chuckled. He had such a cute chuckle and his eyes were probably the most beautiful eyes that I had ever seen. They glowed under the neon lights so perfectly and I didn't notice it but his hands were still on my waist. I moved it because I was uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay."

"Yo, Bennett!" I heard someone call out.

Soon a group of people that looked around his age came up to him. There was a girl with really colorful hair, a tall guy that looked like he did not belong in a gay club, another guy who looked like the embodiment of a gay club and another girl who actually dressed appropriately for the weather. They were chatting for a bit and I just stood there awkwardly.

Until Bennett turned to me. "Would you like to party with us? You seem a bit lonely."

I looked at them all to see if they genuinely didn't mind some old man joining them and each smile that came from them seemed genuine so I nodded and said, "Sure. Why the hell not?"

They all cheered and the tall guy shouted, "Drinks on me!"

We all cheered and followed him to the bar.

~x~

"You come here often?" Bennett asked.

I drank the rest of my drink and placed the cup down on the counter. "No. This is actually my first time at a gay club."

"Ah, are you enjoying yourself so far?"

"I am actually. There's something empowering about being here and dancing with people who are-"

"Just like you?"

I thought for a moment and then smiled and nodded. "Yeah, just like me. I've spent so many years of my life hiding the true me and living in fear that I never gave myself the chance to fully be me. There was a point in my life where I thought a guy was going to change it all but I messed that up and instead of going forward, I went back."

He hummed. "I get that. So I have a question."

I smiled. "Ask away."

"Do you think that if this guy, the guy that seemed to have the power to help you be the true you, were to somehow make his way back into your life, do you think that you would be more you?"

Honestly, if it were that easy to just have him come back into my life like he never left then maybe I would risk it all. If I were to see his face, smell his scent, touch his skin, hear his voice and taste his lips again then maybe that would've been enough to break me out of my prison known as the closet but who I was kidding.

There were a lot of things humans couldn't do and making someone love and accept themselves were two. It was all up to me whether I wanted to be free or not, not him.

"I don't know," I said. "Maybe."

And then, when I didn't think it was possible, I saw him. It was my Jules, my Julie.