The Art Of Our Thoughts

The thing about self-degrading

It's almost a natural instinct to me. Always thinking that I'm not such a heavy presence in someone's life, that if I went and came then it wouldn't make a difference, that my existence in their lives didn't really have much of an impact.

I'm not saying this because I'm wallowing in some kind of self-pity, it's just always been that way. It's really weird when it's not actually.

It's weird when you cut people off for a while and they come to you waiting for an explanation for the sudden silence treatment.

I guess that's what wrong friends put in you. Hanging around people that always belittled you in the past is bound to create these little "I'm not important enough to people" thoughts in your subconscious.

It's hard though. It's hard explaining it, or maybe explaining the way it feels. It's even harder getting out of that mindset.

It's not fair to others, I realized recently, it isn't at all. Cause human nature's worst weakness is getting attached to eachother.

And that's where things are complicated, explaining to someone that is attached to you or you to them how you felt the insignificance inside take over and let it control everything you do.

I'm not really sure if this whole thing made sense, if this is normal to other people, or people rarely ever felt it. I just know that this way of processing anything in my life has been here for a long long time, and I don't think it's going anywhere anytime soon.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dedicated to: M.K.

-S.S.