BG

My Point Of View & My Sincere Apology

Dear Used To Be Called Blue Gatorade,

I need to write this to you so I can let it out in a healthier way than to actually trying to take it out in a really unhealthy way that will not only hurt my love ones but to myself as well. I need you to know my point of view of things and try to make you understand me. When it comes to letting people in, it isn't an easy task to do so but with you it's like I wanted to share everything with you, to open up to you to, to turn to you when I'm feeling down, to completely trust you with my all, to learn how to be there for you, to learn how to accept you as a person, to learn new but different things from you, to learn how to make you smile and laugh, to learn how to be your real friend and maybe one day to learn how to love you for you. I try to do those all those things for you but you obviously didn't want that from me or maybe you didn't know, you could have been so clueless of my true intentions but I know deep down you weren't because we both know that you did know but you completely dodge it off or completely ignored it. You didn't want any of that but I tried so hard to give you it to you and once you figure it out; you told me to leave you alone in a very hurtful way that made me feel like I'm a worthless and a ugly person. You really hurt me after everything I try to do for you, after everything I shared to you and after everything I did for you to be there for you. I didn't and don't deserve how you treated me, how you used me and how you taken advantage of my friendship for you. I hope that you don't feel happy about it because being in pain all over again from a person that I let into my life and into my heart isn't a beautiful feeling at all. Here is the thing about me and you should know about it because I share it to you beforehand..............but the thing is......,

I am not going to change into someone that isn't me because of someone betraying me and using me. That's not how my dad, my stepmother, and my LORD raised me. If one specific person gave me false hope, false compliments, false care ness, false support, false advice, they gave me fake ness and filthy lies. If they made me become a big naive fool thinking that they care for me for ME when they never did to begin with. If they try to take my purity away from me; if they try to changed me into something bitter and prideful by completely hurting me. But they never succeed of doing so because I'm still me. Is it the reason why they shut me out because they finally realized they couldn't get me in their own unhealthy way. Just like you, if you wanted me, you should have learned how to deal with all of me, learned how to RESPECT MY FEELINGS, learned how to RESPECT MY DREAMS & MY GOALS and learned how to JUST RESPECT ME! You should have learned how to care for me, learned how to support me, learned how to be there for me but most of all learned how to LOVE all of me and not just a part of me and to do it in a decent and in a respectful way but you didn't. Was it because I was too much for your liking? Was it because you are afraid of something real and committed coming into your life and into your heart? Or was it simply because you wanted to just have a some good time with a female without any attachments?

There's was no need to be fake with me and was no need to lie your way to catch my attention and to catch my heart. If you think that making lies is a healthy way to get someone's attention then I must let you know that you must had someone lied to you and had someone teach you incorrectly. You probably had someone done the same thing to you in your past but if that happen wouldn't you know that isn't the right way to treat a good person and that it hurts bad. You probably still in the process of learning how to treat a decent person in a respectful way. I wanted the honesty and the true you and if you done just that then you could of had me as whatever you want. When I say that, I mean you can have me as your friend or as your guidance counselor. If you wanted me in a romantic or in a intimate way then you must give me time. It isn't up to me if you can have me in that way. My heart decides if you can. Do you know that our hearts choose who we want to be in a romantic relationship with; it even chooses someone that isn't healthy for us but that is just part of life.