The Way My Mind Works

18.

I like feeling numb,

I like my thoughts slowed down,

I like being able to think about what I want to think about,

Decide if I want to talk,

Or stay as quiet as possible,

The feeling of being relaxed,

Even when I'm dying inside,

And freaking out about things out of my control,

So I'll light my joint,

And smoke,

Until the smoke fills the air,

And I'm left in a haze,

A calm haze,

A good haze,

And I sit,

I think,

But not too hard,

Because if I do then I'll think about you,

So I grabbed my lighter,

Finished smoking,

And looked up at the sky,

The sense of nothingness filled my head,

And I was in a state were thinking of you wasn't painful,

There was barely a thought of you in my mind,

I didn't want to think of you,

I didn't want to think of all the things we could've been, 

and never were,

I didn't want to think of the times we shared,

So I stared at the stars for as long as I could,

To keep this feeling of nothing inside my head,

It's sad,

I have to smoke to get you out of my head,

Who knew someone could have that much impact on me.